High Couture Cynic T-Shirts

'For my latest line, I bought clothes at Target and then changed the label,'

6 Quarantine-Friendly Fashions

Rich man vomiting euros to a beggar.

Haute Suture

A Macaroni in 1772

Vivienne Westwood

The Forever Stamp

"Life sucks and then you keep living."

"They're at that age where it's only cool to wag ironically."

Sir Cecil Beaton

"I'm doing a Kickstopper project!" "What?" "I was going to write a book... but do we really need another book in this world? So... Kickstopper—people donate money to stop me from writing. I won't write it so I'll never ask you to read it. I'd pay money to not read your book. Thanks." "You're welcome." "I'm also starting projects to not start a band, not write poetry and not tell you about my dreams."

"At Ermbruster Academy you son will acquire indispensible life skills."

"Everyone is so cynical these days."

Bartender, there's a human finger in my beer. Today's comics readers are pretty jaded, sir. They're no longer shocked by a fly in a bowl of soup.

'Excuse me, would you mind...?'

'Gautier goes to Mothercare.'

Bush vs. America

We just assumed everyone knew they couldn't take it with them.

'Huh! Nobody home!'

'Why not just buy a tube?'

"The individual cheese slice. Oddly, not the first choice for the truly individual."

"You seem to have the right combination of bitterness, pessimism, and caffeine consumption that we're looking for."

Skinny model in wardrobe - 'Clothes hang better on skinny models.'

The Ekert Saga: '...A place where people are always unhappy no matter how well things are going? Ah! Got it...Go to Fenway Park in Boston.'

Information and Still don't get it.

"I started out looking for an honest man and settled for a guy with creative bookkeeping skills."

"I've had a few days to calm down and process things and I've come to the realization that I was wrong to have had faith in humanity."

"I want a campaign that shows the brand's empathetic, inclusive and caring side - or you're all fired."

"The difference between criminal geniuses and politicians is none of them are geniuses."

The latest fall fashion trends

Obscene Hollywood phone call

"You can't put a price on all those years of marriage." "Au contraire!"

"No no no! Stripes are soooo half-past four!"

'Remind me, what should I be thanking my lucky stars for?'

'Help me, Helen! I'm feeling a momentary lapse of cynicism!'