Hidden Fee Detectives Gifts

"You want to withdraw your money? There's a fee for that."

"They're on special offer so I got three times more than I could ever use for twice as much as I could afford!"

'We subpoenaed all of 'Mr. Big's' electronic messages. They're in morse code.'

Excess Baggage: Fans of 'Deregulation' and the 'Free Market' probably have not had to buy a plane ticket recently.

'Who was the murderer? Well Watson, that's the killer question.'

Rumors, lies and innuendo.

Customer Convention

Unusual Offers

'My piggy bank charged shaking fees.'

'But what do you sell?'

"We think we've found the murder weapon Sir"

"Which will it be - do we label it '20% free', and raise the price 20%, or label lit '40% free', and raise the price 40%?"

Cut-Rate Think Tanks - Now available for hire.

"TV violence made him do it. Says he'll name shows if we drop the charges."

Excessive Paperwork

'I am unable to find the words to respond to that.'

"This is too hard, but I'd recognize him on his own."

"Hmmm...this'll be a tough one..."

'You realize, of course, there's nothing wrong with me. . . I'm only here 'cause of your 50%-off-first-visit coupon and I am not a serial bargain shopaholic.'

"There's a $2.00 service fee for that friendly greeting."

It isn't just the media that's biased...often the voters are too.

"Today the CIA investigated the FBI's investigation of the IRS' investigation of Trump."

Todays Special: Beans on Toast #2.50 (use of tin-opener 10- extra. . .)

'Good afternoon madam, we're Federal Bear Investigators. We believe a miss Goldilocks lives here?'

"Murder, eh? They nabbed me for bargain-hunting without a license."

"Move along, people, there's nothing to see here."

"Is this your first time with an undercover cop?"

"Are any of these the perpetrator?"

"I'm from the Duvall Executive Search Agency, and I leave no stone unturned."

"Now he can say he ran it by legal."

'This isn't a flow chart. It's our fee structure!'