Hidden Fee Detectives Pillows

"You want to withdraw your money? There's a fee for that."

"They're on special offer so I got three times more than I could ever use for twice as much as I could afford!"

'We subpoenaed all of 'Mr. Big's' electronic messages. They're in morse code.'

Excess Baggage: Fans of 'Deregulation' and the 'Free Market' probably have not had to buy a plane ticket recently.

'Who was the murderer? Well Watson, that's the killer question.'

Rumors, lies and innuendo.

'My piggy bank charged shaking fees.'

Unusual Offers

Customer Convention

I understand that our cat Magus died. I miss her a lot. But I wish my parents wouldn't tiptoe around it. House of Java.net Cybercafe. You don't have to watch Youtube clips of "CSI: Miami" to understand that death is a part of life. The thing I don't understand about our cat's death is, who would've killed her and left a mountain of unresolved clues that only a crack forensics team can figure out? Where were you at 8:45pm? The Youtube generation grows up fast.

'But what do you sell?'

"We think we've found the murder weapon Sir"

"Which will it be - do we label it '20% free', and raise the price 20%, or label lit '40% free', and raise the price 40%?"

Cut-Rate Think Tanks - Now available for hire.

"TV violence made him do it. Says he'll name shows if we drop the charges."

Excessive Paperwork

'With all those presents Santa carries, do you think he packs heat? . . . And maybe he's not really fat, but he's wearing a kevlar vest.'

"This is too hard, but I'd recognize him on his own."

'I am unable to find the words to respond to that.'

"Hmmm...this'll be a tough one..."

Autos. You can drive a hard bargain, but you may find a bargain is hard to drive.

'You realize, of course, there's nothing wrong with me. . . I'm only here 'cause of your 50%-off-first-visit coupon and I am not a serial bargain shopaholic.'

"There's a $2.00 service fee for that friendly greeting."

It isn't just the media that's biased...often the voters are too.

'Good afternoon madam, we're Federal Bear Investigators. We believe a miss Goldilocks lives here?'

Todays Special: Beans on Toast #2.50 (use of tin-opener 10- extra. . .)

I thought you might want to color it in. Color chalk. 1 1 1 2 1 1 4 4 5 5

"Today the CIA investigated the FBI's investigation of the IRS' investigation of Trump."

"Murder, eh? They nabbed me for bargain-hunting without a license."

"I'm from the Duvall Executive Search Agency, and I leave no stone unturned."

"Are any of these the perpetrator?"

"Move along, people, there's nothing to see here."

"Is this your first time with an undercover cop?"

"Now he can say he ran it by legal."

'Worst chainsaw massacre I've ever seen.'