Hen Fanatics Pillows

"My once perky chicken breasts hang like flapjacks, I don't lay eggs anymore, I'm burning up with hot flashes, I'm...."

"Move ten paces, turn, then fire. Ready?" "Dibs on the hat."

"No way. Lando, my friend. Lando." "There's no way Lando Calrissian was a better betrayer than Alex Krycek." "Ask any passerby on the street. 9 out of 10 of them won't even know who Alex Krycek is." "That's utter foolishness. Everyone knows Alex Krycek. He was basically the X-Files' anti-Mulder. He could out-weasel Billy D. Williams any day." "Stop!" "When men start arguing over which fictional character was a better betrayer, they have officially run out of things to talk about." "That Kr

Giant Monster in Bath

'I think he's doing ok, the coach says he has the attention span of a goldfish.'

Comb Sweet Comb

"Haven't you a small one that would fit into a soldier's pack?"

"Waiter, there's a hair in my soup!"

"Just browsing."

You're Out Of Order

"But I don't have any wishes related to food or squirrels."

Medieval King

'You think irritable fowl syndrome is bad? Just wait until you hit menopause.'

"Eye of newt. . . wing of bat. . . hair of dog!"

"Madame, you're the most beautiful lady in the whole country and as sweet as apple pie!"

Latest support group: British actors who couldn't get a part in the Harry Potter films.

'They might be able to resist the candy, but no healthy child can walk by a freshly raked pile of leaves.'

"Oh, Genie. I'm ready to make my final wish now."

'Dude! Did you even check if that cloak had a flame retardant, before you bought it?'

'Whatever it is you're doing down there, Malcolm, I think it's affecting the television.'

Take me to: Your leader.

'... And here's one I made earlier.'

'Get me a match! The pilot light in our competitive fire is out!'

Thanks for the heads up on the gelatinous cube!

'Wear them on thanksgiving instead.'

Here's the idea - A Christmas 'feel good' movie with a slasher twist. The title, 'It's a wonderful knife'.

"Great - the drone can deliver fridges! Come on now, Petersen! It's time for the piano test!"

"Stop it! You're killing me!"

Harry Sotter

'That's my last signing of the cross if you're going to double-cross me like that!'

Mermaid and old sailor

New Sheik'n'vac magic carpet freshners.

'You really should Floss.'

"Now that I've installed two extra fans, my laptop doesn't overheat anymore..."

"He says this week is absolutely manic, could you reschedule?"