Hell Of A Jokester Pillows

"I hope your day is going bad."

Kid in time-out writes 'it was the best of time out...'

Wolfgang Amadeus Mozak.

"Freshly ground pepper?"

It's an autobiography of a guy who spent his whole life trying to get his first @#^& book published. Editor.

"Why, Vicar, I'm Eve in the Garden of Eden, surely..."

'They said 'write what you know.' So I didn't write anything.'

I think he's joking. "Placebo" can't be a real medical science term. It sounds like a funny name for a clown.

"Remember that ultimately we must answer to Chairs."

'This painting's in very poor taste.' 'Yes. It's from his sour grapes period.'

"I haven't changed my facebook status."

'Hey,mom-have you seen my pet frog?'

Athen's Theater. "Oedipus Rex" didn't test well as a title, Sophocles. How would you feel about calling it "My Big Fat Greek Tragedy"?

'If you cut back on children, at least try to eat them before they nibble on your house.'

'You're breaking up...please text me.'

'Tender and Juicy.'

'And that one painted and forgot to close the curtains.'

'They come down here to smoke.'

"It's a brovella about my life in the frat. But if it's longer than two hundred pages it becomes a brahvel."

Gang of Musicians

'Always tell the truth, even if you do have to lie to do it.'

"If we were really best friends, you would be fetching my slippers once in awhile."

Summer Reading

'Of course you get TV here. You just don't get the remote.'

'I'm afraid you're going to have to stay with us for a thousand years, but your sins are tax-deductible.'

'Someday, you'll be a big star!'

"And a parsley in a pear treeeee."

'Good morning, 'DICTIONARIES' department for, like, Similes.'

Pantomimes Are Lousy Painters. . .

"Oh, Jeez! A pube in my tea! How the heck did that get there?"

"An olive or a twist?"

'If Michelangelo Was a Cartoonist.'

'Yes, it is a 'wonderful discovery'. But whatever you do, don't touch it!'

"With the right training an enterprising young man like yourself could do well in white-collar crime."

"Apparently you should have kept your Facebook private."