Hell Of A Jokester Pillows

"I hope your day is going bad."

Kid in time-out writes 'it was the best of time out...'

Wolfgang Amadeus Mozak.

"Freshly ground pepper?"

"Why, Vicar, I'm Eve in the Garden of Eden, surely..."

'They said 'write what you know.' So I didn't write anything.'

"Remember that ultimately we must answer to Chairs."

'This painting's in very poor taste.' 'Yes. It's from his sour grapes period.'

"I haven't changed my facebook status."

'You're breaking up...please text me.'

'If you cut back on children, at least try to eat them before they nibble on your house.'

'Hey,mom-have you seen my pet frog?'

Gang of Musicians

'And that one painted and forgot to close the curtains.'

'Tender and Juicy.'

"It's a brovella about my life in the frat. But if it's longer than two hundred pages it becomes a brahvel."

'They come down here to smoke.'

'Always tell the truth, even if you do have to lie to do it.'

"If we were really best friends, you would be fetching my slippers once in awhile."

'I'm afraid you're going to have to stay with us for a thousand years, but your sins are tax-deductible.'

'Of course you get TV here. You just don't get the remote.'

'Someday, you'll be a big star!'

Pantomimes Are Lousy Painters. . .

'Good morning, 'DICTIONARIES' department for, like, Similes.'

"And a parsley in a pear treeeee."

'If Michelangelo Was a Cartoonist.'

"An olive or a twist?"

Summer Reading

'Yes, it is a 'wonderful discovery'. But whatever you do, don't touch it!'

"With the right training an enterprising young man like yourself could do well in white-collar crime."

"Apparently you should have kept your Facebook private."

"Sundials! Hourglasses!"