Hell Navigator T-Shirts

"I'm from the agency. . ."

'Are you sure that's the right map?'

'The church says the Earth is flat, but I know that it is round for I have seen the shadow on the Moon, and I have more faith in a shadow than in the Church.'

Books: Novels, Short-Stories, Tall Tales.

"I think I've figured out why we can't find the marina."

'Are we there yet?'

"A journey of a thousand miles begins with a MAP, actually."

"I don't know what else we can do. He won't look up from the screen!"

Barcode Dreams

'AHH, here it is! At the next intersection, turn left, then cough, following that, turn right, then cough...' WHEN DOCTORS NAVIGATE.

"Yes, Jane Lyons, sitting next to Katy Jones, class of 2018, it is important for a writer to know her audience."

"I am not asking for directions."

"For just one monkey in front of one typewriter you've come up with some amazing stuff."

Battery Lighthouse

'He refuses to leave without the tree and their son.'

Titanic: How's my steering.

"It's publish or perish, and he hasn't published."

"For pity's sake, George - stop tooting and ask for directions!"

"According to the map, we should be nearing the North Pole, but something tells me we’ve been reading the map upside down."

"Perhaps you wouln't have declared so many places 'worth a detour' if you'd held the map right way up!"

"Yeah, I have a GPS, but I have no idea where 120 degrees longitude and 80 degrees latitude is."

'I told you not to rely on the sat-nav.'

'The landscape is continually shifting Son, so you have to learn to navigate by the Sun and the stars...'

"Who should we have at eye level this month?"

'By the way, dear - you have an appointment with the acupuncturist tomorrow.'

Set sail

"A storm rages from the East - tell the men to get below and snuggle up for movie night."

"Think about it. Maybe it's a good thing the boss doesn't know your name."

A dream of consequence

'Captain, there's someone pissing in the hold!'

Meet the Shameless Self-Promoter 2 PM

"You are here"

"Look lively crew, lest we be dashed upon these scrumptious shores."

"With the benefit of hindsight, I’d say no, Ed, it wasn’t ‘funny’ letting him steer the boat!"

Women who Read Too Much