Height Humor Fans Pillows

"I not only respect women, I look up to them."

'Oh, nothing's wrong -- I just expected Earthlings to be taller, that's all.'

"Consider yourself lucky that you only got a little shaken up in that dryer--socks get lost in that thing and aren't ever seen again.'

'We found you in a cabbage!'

In utero...boy, THOSE were the days!

Tequila Mockingbird

"Maybe I'm aiming too high...maybe 'saving for a cool car' is too hard."

'NO, it DOESN'T come on DISC!'

"Pumpkin spice has been very good to me."

"You're doing fine - don't watch your feet."

Paul Bunyan gets the leg-lengthening Operation

'Guess who's teething?'

Jungle Games

"Relax, he could just be looking for fun."

'Henry, cut that out.'

'You've made a breakthrough in FINANCIAL research?', 'Yep! - I split the ATM!'

'Yes, I did tell you to hang the fire extinguisher where it would be easy to reach, but...'

'Hi! I'm a freshman -- when do I get corrupted?'

Sure, snoring is a big issue at our house too: you've seen the size of my dad's nose...

"When you said we were going to push the boat out tonight, I thought you meant we were going to a fancy restaurant!"

Giraffe Haircut

Under New Mismanagement

"Oh you kids and that cursed painting in the closet keep me young."

Beer Lunch

"What?!"

"That's still too high"

Circus Stilt-Walker with Girlfriend.

Sawrd Fighting

Top Ten Elevator Hits of All Time

'Look, that peasant is eating something -- the economy's on the move again!'

"I hate when this happens."

Circus trousers

My Youtube channel's taking off. Mine too, little buddy. You have a Youtube channel? Of course, it's got 12.8 million subscribers. I accompanies my best-selling MANuals book series. I post a video per day. There's "Pickup Artist Mondays," "Man-Grooming Tuesdays," "Relationship Escape-Artist Wednesdays" ... "Become an Alpha in Five Minutes Thursdays" ... "New Advances in Speedos Fridays," and "Using Quantum Physics and the Multiverse Theory to Explain Why that Lady She Caught You with was Actuall

I told you not to touch its belly.

"Really, yes, I'm on a diet too: I need to almost double my summer weight before the start of the winter hibernation..."