Heavenly Jest Fan Pillows

'Your better half isn't up here... It seems you were the better half.'

"It was better before God took up knitting."

"If you get to the pitchfork-shaped cloud, you've gone too far."

"It's true: no more burpees."

"I just know he's gonna ask me why I voted for Trump."

"It's just one bad review and we all know who wrote it."

"Then it's agreed. Judgment Day, whenever it comes, will fall on a Thursday, so that they'll get the long weekend."

'I hate playing in an inflatable dome during a power outage.'

"He doesn't suffer fools gladly."

"Would you like to leave a message? He's on the throne"

"I don't think you can get a peace prize for ending a war that you started."

'The only way anyone gets in is on there knees.'

"I can never remember if it's smite or smote."

'That's what I'm talkin' about!'

"Look who I got a birthday card from!!"

'Gluten-free manna will come in the second salvo.'

"Hey! You were that old sourpuss who worked at the motor vehicles department!"

"This oughtta be good...my lawyer is about to read my Will. I left everything to my cat Binky!"

Uses of a Dead Cat in History: Dead Cat Balloon

'Go right on in, Helen. By the way, be sure to read tomorrow's newspaper - I understand your grandson has drawn a cartoon in your honor.'

"Can you write 'To Mandy - you're the best'?"

God asks an angel for change for a tower viewer.

Best Seller of All Times...The Holy Bible:'No fair. You're creating your own readers.'

'I just glanced back at Sodom and Gomorrah for a second...'

'You're the king now. It's time to put the past behind you.'

"But you're paper trained and we don't have any newspapers or newspaper people."

'Hold on to this ticket. Immediately after armageddon, there'll be a drawing for door prizes!'

'From left to right: witchfinder general, jester jocular and spouse peculiar.'

"Closed until further notice."

'It's great for reducing White Coat Hypertension.'

"No one has actually ever tried it before...so apparently you CAN take it with you!"

"May I suggest we up your medication, sire.

"And then at 3 you have a meeting with the royal pain in the butt."

'Stay back from the edge. Remember what happened to the last angel that fell.'

"Just suck it up and let him continue binge-watching your entire repertoire."