Heavenly Humorists Pillows

"Perhaps more people would give heed unto the word of the Lord if the Lord had a funny blog."

"But stay off the couch."

'When I type in your name plus sin, sir, there are over twenty million results.'

"Smoking or non-smoking?"

'In doggy heaven, everyone is allowed on the couch.'

Angels looking down from a cloud "It's when it comes to the contesting of the will that you find out who your friends were."

'It was an incredibly healing experience, but somehow, I still wound up dead!'

"Like, hello? nothing's wrong with the software. You hit delete. If you want to answer prayers, hit send."

"Nobody wants to hear our stories about death from natural causes."

A stranger in paradise.

'All our operators are busy with customers who don't have an eternity to wait.'

'Second fastest gun in the west.'

"Maybe it wasn't such a smart idea for you to have left everything to science."

'Management is upgrading all the hardware.'

"Reason for return?"

"Yes, I must admit I've done rather well here."

'So, you didn't get to die with dignity. Who does? I choked to death on a bag of marshmallows, while sitting in a bathtub full of hot chocolate.'

'The big guy wants to see you.'

'I still have trouble sleeping. I thought when I died I could rest in peace.'

'Melvin, you're trying my patience.'

'Limbo allows us time to get all the paperwork done.'

'Oh dear. I don't know a soul.'

"Hey, this is a good bit- did I say that?"

Existing for eternity - a fate worse than death

"And if I didn't bring my co-pay."

"Here he is, folks, straight from his deathbed in Jersey City, a beautiful guy—let's hear a nice round of applause for . . ."

"So you can take it with you!"

"You've been randomly selected for additional screening."

"For someone who's supposed to be omniscient, I've noticed he calls all the new guys 'buddy.'"

"To play it safe, I still take one aspirin every other day."

"Apparently, it has something to do with el Niño."

"I've got to admit I'm not crazy about the freeway."

"Free wifi and unlimited refills are nice, but frankly, I expected more."

Doggy Heaven

"Due to a mixup in the paperwork you've been sent to doggie heaven."