Heavenly Humor Enthusiast Pillows

The original writers block

'I have no idea how you died, we don't have access to your medical records."

Insurance agents in Heaven.

"You had more money than God. That's a big no-no."

"Ready? It's your bloopers tape."

"How did you hear about us?"

Panic Stations in Heaven's Bakery - 'He needs 5000 loaves of bread and he needs them NOW!'

'Oh... I always thought it was just an allegory...'

"User name and password?"

'This used to take hours.'

'We haven't had a client in weeks - maybe we should make a promotional video.'

"If I had it to do over again I definitely wouldn't have been cremated."

'Look, Brother Timothy - a sign from God!'

"I have faithfully made all my mortgage repayments."

'What's the wi-fi like?'

'I don't want this job. I worked all my life and retired. I like being retired.'

'Let's not be difficult about this, Mr. Pettigrew.'

Angels watch hell on a flatscreen.

God asks an angel for change for a tower viewer.

"It says here that you gave a lot of money to both parties and neither expected nor received anything in return. Very nice, but we'll have to put you in the crazy section."

'And you say you died a virgin! That's a sin!'

'Looks like somebody needs to lay off of the authentic angel food cake!'

'Any chance of plea bargaining?'

"And here are those family photos you thought you lost in the cloud."

'It's been determined that we're un-constitutionally over capacity.'

"Which countries have you visited recently?"

"Roof, please."

'Do you want the optional flight insurance?'

'Welcome aboard. All your pre-existing conditions are now completely covered, without any cost to the insured.'

'Do you ever regret being cremated...?'

God's Message Pad

'I think I liked it better up here when everyone just carried a HARP!!'

"Oh, we haven't used the term 'angel' for years. Now we're called 'Afterlife Associates.'"

'Anything good on tonight?'

"Great, just my luck."