Heavenly Economist Pillows

"Because of the economic situation they've relaxed the rules."

"This 'laying up treasures in heaven' thing - Is it some kind of tax dodge or what?"

"Well. . . the cost of living was getting too high, so. . ."

"I'm just glad we got out before interest rates went up again."

"Mrs. Marsha Mullhouse, of Kenosha, Wisconsin, asks, "Are You subject to the laws of physics, or are the laws of physics subject to You?"

'Stocks plummeted on news of your demise.'

'You raised the price of air to 50c!' 'Inflation.'

"Who says you can't take it with you? This one has a fireproof lining."

"Lucky for you, you died during a bear market."

'Wouldn't it be easier if the banks simply merged with the Inland Revenue?'

'I feel I owe a lot to my country.' - 'So, you haven't paid your income tax again.'

"The last thing I remember was asking my broker if all my money had been in risk-free bonds."

'What can we do to reduce our spending?'

'I know we're laying up treasures in Heaven, but I still think you should talk to the Church Board about your pension,'

"Well, I thought of it as an innovative economic stimulus package, but the jury insisted on calling it securities fraud!"

'They're not our 'profits,' Mike. We like to think of them as the organic by-products of non-toxic capitalism!'

'Good news! The stock market is about to explode upwards on...'

....Today the new economic forecasts get published...and that means we have to work overtime...sorry.

Heaven's Cattlegrid.

"Eternity isn't so bad - as long as I can keep track of how my earthly investments are doing."

'Of COURSE we appreciate having someone with your expertise in mergers and acquisitions, but offhand I can't think of another corporation that would match up with ours.'

"It has yet to turn a profit."

"I see you getting rich because of what the gold in your rings is now bringing."

"Do you want to add something about not trying to time the market?"

'You can't take it with you so I'm sending it on ahead.'

'...and if my taxes are cut, I promise to stimulate the economy.'

More toxic assets.

Things will turn around eventually... Meanwhile....

You've Got Questions, We've Got Answers.

Sunday sermon: 'Dearly beloved, restore our faith in the almighty dollar.'

'Talk about perennial doubt?'

'I can't make ends meet, let alone justify the means.'

'Thank you for participating in the 'Redistribution of Wealth' movement.'

Census Infinity.

'Intriguing theory, Dr. Kleinherz, but the fact that the Universe is expanding doesn't necessarily mean that God is a capitalist.'