Heartfelt Commentator Pillows

"Let's have a heart-to-heart talk—one huge, powerful grownup to one tiny, nothing kid."

No, you idiots, they don't include a "comments" section.

Opportunities in Coronatimes

Trump Administration Raising White Flag in Ukraine

Enhanced Pedophilia Interrogation Techniques

"Nation-building never works."

"Damn - another letter to the editor."

"The regular Fox news commentator was canned for being too soft on Iran. I'm Dick Cheney."

"And the winner is… Dan the Man by a nose!"

Who gets the anti-corona vaccine?

Trump Poutine

Laughingstock

Here's the Weird Anti-Terrorist Trash Talk That Stayed on Donald Trump's Cutting Room Floor After the Manchester Attack

'What's wrong with those Europeans? We have more murders in this city than England, France Germany and Spain combined.'

"Mom, does the Russian borscht you made for dinner give me foreign-policy experience?"

"You know who's tougher than all your little superheroes? The fossil fuel industry."

Political Candidates' Playbook Signals from the sidelines

"Hey...look...I'm prepared to admit that I might have been wrong, but...I think it's time to draw a line under it... and y'know...move on..."

Unemployed recession: the irony is killing me

A lock labeled 'freedom' covers a man's mouth.

"I just know he's gonna ask me why I voted for Trump."

"‘Click’, you have reached the White House, press 1 for shameless groveling, 2 for presidential pardons, and please have your credit card details ready..."

'I was hounded out of office!', 'That explains the smell.'

"I see the White House didn't lower the flag to half staff."

"Actually, yes, honey — I do believe 'Fox News' is an oxymoron."

'Why does my opponent keep lying about me?', 'Because truth is stranger than fiction?'

"....So called 'fake news' is dangerous to our democracy!"

"I'm Lester Holt, and this, is date night."

Tearing up the Iran Deal

'Cartoonist thinking'

"New court filings. Totally clears the President. Thank you." "Actually, sir, it, uh, says you did crime and might go to jail."

"Sir, multiple people were stabbed by a terrorist in..."

"AI chat bot"

Coming up: Bush and Kerry will debate on 'saturday night live'...and whoever gets the most laughs will be the winner.'

What've you been up to since college, Lemont? Oh, I became a journalist … had a kid, blah blah … but I wanna hear about you, Rudy. Grigori Rasputin. How've you been all these years? How's your Uncle Mort? Are you a Russian spy? Boop boop boop. How'd that stomach-tumble-translator startup you founded in the nineties go? Wait ... what did you say you became? What do they have on President Trump? How's your cat? Boop.