Heartbreaker At Cards Pillows

". . . and that dumb Mrs. Parker could have figured I had the Ace, King and Jack, but no, she goes ahead bidding in hearts. . ."

"This is my new country song I wrote about my self-driving truck leaving me..."

"I met him on an online dating site. He was on their 'return' section."

I will not talk in art class. I will not talk in art class. I will not talk in art class. I will not in art class. I will not talk in art class.

'Well, I must say I never thought team-building exercises could be such fun.'

"We can try and mend the damaged heart, but not a broken one."

'I see. So what you're saying is that you woke up this morning and your woman had done left you.'

"We can deal with many heart related issues apart from 'a heart torn asunder by the meretricious behavior of a mendacious lover.'"

"Can you recommend a nice red wine that goes well with a broken heart?"

"Men just won't leave me alone!"

'Look after your feet, always wear a prophylactic and never travel faster than 300mph on water!' SAGE WORDS FROM SIR DONALD CAMPBELL!

The Invention of Country Music.

'Darlin', what's an adjective for a two-timin', heart-breakin' outlaw that rhymes with iPod?'

Cards Blind Dating Game

"I'm sorry your girlfriend left you, Frank...but you must concentrate on the job!"

"Don't cry over her. There will be plenty of fish out of the sea."

'It feels great now, but you will see when it's pulled out.'

What's the matter, Emily? Jeremy the jerk dumped me. I can't take it. My whole insides hurt. You'll be better off without him. Thanks, Twig. Youre lucky you didn't fall in love. Sigh. I wish I had a broken heart!

Her tears flowed like wine.

"Come on now. It's not that bad. We never even had Paris."

'Hey! †I thought we were going to make our own rules!'

Tears

"Today on the Godcast, what if I told you 'commandments' were more like 'suggestments?'"

'It's over'

Percy LIVED for Valentine's Day....

'Sir, are you regurgitating food from outside the theater?'

Cardiology

Broken-hearted young man placing an advertisement in the paper.

'This was my favorite song back when I had feelings.'

"Dear USPS - Julie Michael's mail is no longer in care of Apt. 8-B. She has moved out to Queens. Queens!! Can you believe it??? Three years I devoted to that woman! Oh, well. C'est la vie. I'll find someone else I suppose. Eventually. Yeah, right!"

Kissing ban.

"Help! Help! I've fallen and I can't get over my old girlfriend!"

Injured heart.

"I never meant to hurt you."

Breaking up was hard. The rejection, loss and emptiness. Not to mention all the nasty butterscotch ripple effects.