Healthy Eating Gifts

Vending machines. Junk food. Robotic surgery.

"We need to talk about your diet."

"I work out so I don't have to eat kale."

Popeye Switches to Kale.

'Bless me father for I have sinned. I use trans fats in all of my pie crusts.'

The Perfect Garden.

Organic Produce

Man in radiation suit with 'Fresh Farm Produce'.

'My child has an eating disorder. She likes vegetables.'

"I'm trying to eat more vegetarians."

'Our menu is divided into three sections: Cancer causing foods, artery clogging foods, and foods that are being boycotted for political or environmental reasons.'

"I do feel a lot better since we switched to the trans-fat free oil."

'My mother's resolution is to eat more vegetables, and my resolution is to help her by giving her mine.'

'Hi, my name's Krystyn, and I'll be the nutritionist liaison to your waiter tonight.'

"Once upon a time, there was a frozen pizza, and inside the pizza some very bad monsters lived. Their names were refined white flour, reconstituted tomato, and processed cheese. But the worst monster of all was called pepperoni!"

Sugar Co - "We could advertise it as 100% salt free."

'I read that you should only have a portion of meat about the size of your palm!'

"I'm warning you - peas and carrots are gateway vegetables."

'I saw the school nurse put that sign up.'

'Type 2 diabetes raise concern over increased incidence of childhood obesity.'

'Let me have 20% fat, 40% carbohydrate, 40% protein and a cup of tea,'

"Looks like they've simplified the nutritional information."

'I take lots of antioxidants. That's why I'm still on the first of my nine lives.'

Foods that are bad for you. Foods that are really bad for you.

'Would you like your arteries clogged here or to go?'

'I'm sorry Jimmy, but the results of your tests show that you're not allergic to vegetables.'

'I can't figure out why I'm not losing weight. All I eat is salad.'

'I eat vegetables with lots of antioxidants. That's why I'm still on the first of my nine lives.'

'I don't eat organic foods. At my age I can use all the preservatives I can get.'

Exercising your heart.

'What do you mean I have to eat more greens? I eat pistachio ice cream every night.'

'You're in extreme danger because you eat too much. . .'

'Having to eat broccoli twice a week is not child abuse.'

'School of nutrition - as of today: Butter, good...'

'And I want a load of those statins I read about that let you eat as many fatburgers as you like without getting a heart attack.'