Healthy Eater Humorist Gifts

"An apple a day keeps the doctor away...can it be a candy apple?"

'No dinner for me mum. I don't want to spoil my appetite for in between meal, snacks.'

Roseanne4

Salt flats - 100mi. Low sodium salt flats - 150mi.

FOOD TENDED TO GO DIRECTLY TO EMILY'S EARS....

"I ate here daily, until I found out it's his name."

"I've had enough sweets for one day."

"Our Summer Citrus IPA contains your full daily requirement of fruit and fiber."

"First Lady Lettuce goes missing, then Colonel Crouton followed by Reginald Radish... Great Caesar's Ghost! Someone is making a salad!"

10K Run: Smoker's Lane.

'According to the weight chart, if you were a condor, you'd have a wingspan of 97 feet.'

'Say low-cholesterol dairy-free alternative to cheese!'

'Do you have to use that? -- tongue depressors make me hungry.'

Only 1 calorie per serving: One million servings per can.

Vegetarian Nightmare.

'Fish has mercury, meat has e-coli, veggies have pesticides, desserts cause obesity...so we'll have the health-concious nothing for dinner' special.'

'The customer is always right...'

Looking at belt - "One more notch, room for desert."

'The doctor told me to introduce more greens into my diet.'

"I'm on a diet, how many calories in a fly?"

Fishing rod coming out of a health farm towards a hot dog stand.

Health

Exit. My problem is restaurants have drive-throughs, and fitness centers don't.

'Climbing up a chair to take a bag of potato crisps out of the cupboard five times a day does nor count as exercise, sir!'

"I'm keeping 'up' distance... there's a reason they are called DROPlets."

"I read that meat can remain undigested in one's intestines for five years...."

"I've been on a diet for 5 weeks and can safely tell you that I've lost 5 weeks."

'I warned you about stuffing yourself with carbs, didn't I?'

'After the age of fifty the 'c' word always means colonoscopy.'

"Well, then - two apples a day."

"Cut down on the Ho-Ho's."

"Do you realize what the sodium content of this water is?"

Snowman with big carrot nose to one with small carrot nose: 'I'd increase your beta carotene.'

What's the antidote for wheat germ?

"30 million cookies and thousands of gallons of milk all in one night? Yes, I'd say we've got dietary issues to address."