Healthcare Watchdog Gifts

"Do a double-blind test. Give the new drug to rich patients and a placebo to the poor. No sense getting their hopes up. They couldn't afford it even if it works."

Marketing Spin

"My career doesn't reflect what my passions are as much as where my health insurance is."

'The hospital lawyer is here, my lawyer is here, representatives from the insurance company, the ethics committee and the government are all here...where's the doctor?'

"Fortunately, you have the life savings of a man three times your age."

Stafford Hospital - Twinned with Hell.

Playing doctor: 'This time I get to play the HMO bureaucrat who decides if you live or die.'

Minister rubbishes private sector hospital initiative.

"Today we insure every American and end the need for private health insurance."

"And once we wipe out the disease, where does that leave us?"

Fake medical receipt

'Ask your doctor if you can afford this ---'

'Ought we to blow the whistle? He is, after all, a senior consultant.'

Private firms to run 30 of practices by 2010

"You know it's the American drug companies that give you the headache that is cured by the pills they sell you."

"I'm sorry, Mr Percival, but what you've got is not economically treatable."

"Right about here there was a flattening of the curve. . ."

'Call me immediately if there's any serious side effects so I can notify my lawyer.'

"He's the chief watchdog, who watches over all the other watchdogs—but this must be his night off."

"When it comes to medical malpractice, most lawyers only go for the money... ...I go for the doctor's head."

Toxic Waste Lorry/Toxic Additives Lorry

"According to these latest tests, anything can cause anything."

"Nothing is illegal if a hundred businessmen decide to do it."

'It's a brand new state-of-the-art waiting room.'

"...And since the cure is worse than the disease, we can make more money by developing a cure for that!"

'If you had more criminal potential, you'd get a bonus like all the other investment bankers!'

World Health Organization

"Rumours of a crisis in the NHS are groundless...Spending is up by 2%, management ratios down by 62%..."

FDA will 'Regulate Tobacco'.

CONGRESS, 'You know, we wouldn't need a pay hike if we got commissions on our appropriations.'

Hospital: Senior Care/Long Term Care/Who Cares

'Under disclosure rules, I'm required to tell you I own stock in the company whose

Cook for 3 minutes stir, wait 30 years to discover if the contaminated ingredient gives you stomach cancer.

If you thought that congress was going to work to drive down prescription drugs costs. . . dream on.

"Why couldn't you open that wide during the procedure?"