Health System Watchdog Gifts

"Rumours of a crisis in the NHS are groundless...Spending is up by 2%, management ratios down by 62%..."

"Right about here there was a flattening of the curve. . ."

'Call me immediately if there's any serious side effects so I can notify my lawyer.'

"When it comes to medical malpractice, most lawyers only go for the money... ...I go for the doctor's head."

Toxic Waste Lorry/Toxic Additives Lorry

'So far, all I can tell you for sure is how much I've charged you.'

"According to these latest tests, anything can cause anything."

"And once we wipe out the disease, where does that leave us?"

'It's a brand new state-of-the-art waiting room.'

Stafford Hospital - Twinned with Hell.

"...And since the cure is worse than the disease, we can make more money by developing a cure for that!"

Minister rubbishes private sector hospital initiative.

World Health Organization

"Today we insure every American and end the need for private health insurance."

"You know it's the American drug companies that give you the headache that is cured by the pills they sell you."

Playing doctor: 'This time I get to play the HMO bureaucrat who decides if you live or die.'

Hospital: Senior Care/Long Term Care/Who Cares

"I'm sorry, Mr Percival, but what you've got is not economically treatable."

"Do a double-blind test. Give the new drug to rich patients and a placebo to the poor. No sense getting their hopes up. They couldn't afford it even if it works."

'You know the rules, Mr Dotterill - you're only allowed one visitor at a time.'

Cook for 3 minutes stir, wait 30 years to discover if the contaminated ingredient gives you stomach cancer.

"Why couldn't you open that wide during the procedure?"

'I don't want surgery...can you just touch up the x-rays?'

Weight Loss Clinic: 100% guaranteed.

"His blood work doesn’t look half as bad as his HMO."

"I'm through playing doctor. With insurance forms, co-payments, and malpractice suits, it's just no fun!"

"Those bullet holes are something new, aren't they?"

GPs asked to solve rising obesity levels..."I read in the papers that I'm fat and you've got to sort it out!"

Healthcare problems.

Dr Obama

"I'm feeling great but I'm worried that that might just be a symptom!"

Marketing Spin

Some other drugs you may enjoy.

"Oh my, your blood's boiling."

'The hospital lawyer is here, my lawyer is here, representatives from the insurance company, the ethics committee and the government are all here...where's the doctor?'