Health Insurance Watchdog Gifts

Dr Obama

"Right about here there was a flattening of the curve. . ."

'Call me immediately if there's any serious side effects so I can notify my lawyer.'

Toxic Waste Lorry/Toxic Additives Lorry

"And once we wipe out the disease, where does that leave us?"

"According to these latest tests, anything can cause anything."

'It's a brand new state-of-the-art waiting room.'

Stafford Hospital - Twinned with Hell.

"...And since the cure is worse than the disease, we can make more money by developing a cure for that!"

Minister rubbishes private sector hospital initiative.

"Today we insure every American and end the need for private health insurance."

"Rumours of a crisis in the NHS are groundless...Spending is up by 2%, management ratios down by 62%..."

"You know it's the American drug companies that give you the headache that is cured by the pills they sell you."

Playing doctor: 'This time I get to play the HMO bureaucrat who decides if you live or die.'

FDA will 'Regulate Tobacco'.

Nice Apology, Mark

"I'm sorry, Mr Percival, but what you've got is not economically treatable."

Hospital: Senior Care/Long Term Care/Who Cares

"Do a double-blind test. Give the new drug to rich patients and a placebo to the poor. No sense getting their hopes up. They couldn't afford it even if it works."

Cook for 3 minutes stir, wait 30 years to discover if the contaminated ingredient gives you stomach cancer.

Weight Loss Clinic: 100% guaranteed.

"Why couldn't you open that wide during the procedure?"

GPs asked to solve rising obesity levels..."I read in the papers that I'm fat and you've got to sort it out!"

'Looks like there's been another crackdown on truth in advertising regulations.'

"Robyn Dixon got remarried!!!"

"I'm feeling great but I'm worried that that might just be a symptom!"

Marketing Spin

Some other drugs you may enjoy.

"Oh my, your blood's boiling."

'Well here's the problem. #AB5 is a Nuclear Missile. # AB6 is a box of surgical gloves.'

'The hospital lawyer is here, my lawyer is here, representatives from the insurance company, the ethics committee and the government are all here...where's the doctor?'

'We have to pass the bill so that you can find out what is in it.'

'Under my health plan, alternative medicine, including placebos and hypochondria remedies will be covered.'

Pharm Drugs Inc: 'The placbo group is selected entirely on income - poor people can't afford designer drugs anyway.'

"Don't worry, officer. It's just disinfectant!"