Healthcare Irony Lover Pillows

Back in a snap (chiropractor).

"In all my years as a proctologist, I'd naturally assumed it was just a figure of speech. Until the day I actually SAW someone disappear that way!"

"Mind if I smoke?"

'OK, the old one's in my right hand, the donor's in my left. Rght?'

'Nurse, why is there always a fly in my ointment?'

"These are my fish cymbalta, otezla, skyrizi, vraylar and stelara!"

'Time for your pills.'

The importance of paying attention in med school.

"We can give you enough medication to alleviate the pain, but not enough to make it fun."

'Hi, I'm Dr.Jones. Sorry about my little prank, but it saves us a fortune in enemas.'

"Norton! Put that back at once!"

9 out of 10 doctors recommend keeping their stethoscopes in the freezer.

'I'm afraid there's been a 23% cut in the 'empathy and compassion' budget so you'll have to tell him to sod off now!'

'Like I said - It's non invasive surgery.'

'I'm sending you to see another doctor, he's a specialist in hyperchondria.'

'You need some stress.'

'You do have catastrophic insurance, but it only applies in case of invasion from outer space.'

'I'm referring you to a specialist who isn't as afraid to die as I am.'

Hospital porter leaving brain behind

"Pay attention, 'switch it off switch it on again' does not apply to the life support machines."

He said he loved her for her brain but was her appendix he was always taking out.

"... And who asked for your opinion, I'd like to know?!"

"Just think of all the cigarettes I could have smoked."

"I've heard that your medication can grow extra nipples, but I wouldn't worry about that if I were you..."

Flyingdoctor's receptionist.

'Virus?' - 'Yes, it's a Latin word we doctors use, meaning I haven't got a clue..'

"Your bedside health care book ... thanks for not reading it."

Flu Drugs.

Fish swimming around inside drip.

Way too General Practitioner

'If a hacker steals all my information from my health records do they keep my health problems too?'

Calm down...this is for your own good.

Patient can't find help at doctor office window because of awards.

"The good news is we were able to save your leg..."

Death Waits Behind the Doctor.