Healthcare Irony Fan Pillows

"I'm afraid we'll have to operate. Your appendix has an infection and it's extremely aggressive."

"You need the toilet. . . hang on I think I've got an app for that."

Dr. Flagg's Worst Nightmare

'Hi, I'm Dr.Jones. Sorry about my little prank, but it saves us a fortune in enemas.'

9 out of 10 doctors recommend keeping their stethoscopes in the freezer.

'I'm afraid there's been a 23% cut in the 'empathy and compassion' budget so you'll have to tell him to sod off now!'

'I think it's your colon. I came to that conclusion through the process of elimination.'

Back in a snap (chiropractor).

I don't care what happened on ER. This doctor patient relationship is not going to descend into unbridled passion.

'I'm sending you to see another doctor, he's a specialist in hyperchondria.'

"Your bedside health care book ... thanks for not reading it."

'Virus?' - 'Yes, it's a Latin word we doctors use, meaning I haven't got a clue..'

"Yes, I have seen people in worse health than you. But, they were all dead."

Hospital porter leaving brain behind

"Pay attention, 'switch it off switch it on again' does not apply to the life support machines."

Way too General Practitioner

'I'd like to be fed intravenously. I've heard about your hospital food!'

Reflex Testing -"...and you're sure you can't feel it"

"The good news is we were able to save your leg..."

"Actually, I didn't become dizzy and nauseous until I started inhaling the scent strips in the waiting room magazines."

Doctor consulting a textbook.

'Doctor, I thought I was the one who was supposed to say Ahh.'

"Sorry Mr Penrose. We forgot to shake your medicine this morning."

"I'd say it's a fungal infection."

NHS Trust Hospital: Management Team/Medical Staff

'That pest in 453 is being discharged.'

'Mrs. Tomkins says her prescription has no side effects, so it can't be doing her any good.'

'Can you believe I was open for six months, and not one single client?!?'

"I suggest you take these pills on an empty stomach."

General Hospital sign.

'It's not that simple, Ms. Whelan. You vcan't just shop around until you find a disease you like.'

'Our health plan consists of an hour of free web time to self-diagnose.'

'Please pardon the mess around here -- the Surgeon-General held a surprise inspection.:'

Dr. Miska - Eye, Ear, Nose and Embarrassing Bodily Functions!