Healthcare Irony Enthusiast Pillows

I need some medication for an infection I'm going to get next Friday!'

"You're asked to arrive 2 hours early for your doctor appointment so they can start testing your patience."

'OK, the old one's in my right hand, the donor's in my left. Rght?'

'Nurse, why is there always a fly in my ointment?'

'Hi, I'm Dr.Jones. Sorry about my little prank, but it saves us a fortune in enemas.'

9 out of 10 doctors recommend keeping their stethoscopes in the freezer.

'I'm afraid there's been a 23% cut in the 'empathy and compassion' budget so you'll have to tell him to sod off now!'

Back in a snap (chiropractor).

'You do have catastrophic insurance, but it only applies in case of invasion from outer space.'

'I'm sending you to see another doctor, he's a specialist in hyperchondria.'

'I'm referring you to a specialist who isn't as afraid to die as I am.'

"Just think of all the cigarettes I could have smoked."

"Your bedside health care book ... thanks for not reading it."

He said he loved her for her brain but was her appendix he was always taking out.

'Virus?' - 'Yes, it's a Latin word we doctors use, meaning I haven't got a clue..'

Hospital porter leaving brain behind

"Pay attention, 'switch it off switch it on again' does not apply to the life support machines."

Way too General Practitioner

"The good news is we were able to save your leg..."

Doctor consulting a textbook.

'That pest in 453 is being discharged.'

"My Dad has just come out of hospital."

'No wonder you're backed up.The box says 'ear', not 'rear!'

'Can you believe I was open for six months, and not one single client?!?'

"I suggest you take these pills on an empty stomach."

'Have you got any hip-op?'

'We've noticed just about every patient you've tested has elevated blood pressure.'

Nurse about surgeon juggling organs: 'I think Dr. Haywood could really use a sabbatical.'

Dr. Miska - Eye, Ear, Nose and Embarrassing Bodily Functions!

Your body initially rejected the new kidney, but after we pumped you full of liquor, your body found the new kidney kind of attractive. We'll see what happens in the morning, though.

'Please pardon the mess around here -- the Surgeon-General held a surprise inspection.:'

Lactose Intolerant Cow.

'It's the speciman you asked me to bring in...'

'I would describe it as a splitting headache.'

'It's not that simple, Ms. Whelan. You vcan't just shop around until you find a disease you like.'