Healthcare Humor Appreciator Gifts

'Scratch yourself a couple of times and call me in the morning.'

'He can't refer you to me... I referred you to him.'

'You're six months late. I hope you brought a note from your doctor.'

"Just relax and hold still."

"You don't think his stitches are TOO tight,do you?"

To encourage patients to take their medication, Dr. Gratner brought in a sketch artist to show them what they will look like in six months without meds.

'I can't fill this prescription. Your doctor forgot to write, pretty please.'

Pope fed by nasal tub.

'My God, Jill! Use something else to crack your walnuts.'

'Could you turn up the volume a little?'

Prescriptions: "Jack of Clubs?"

"I'm going to prescribe a very powerful pain-killer, What about you - would you like something?"

Healthy Eating Casualties

"I stand corrected."

"Now, how can I be of assistance?"

"It does have a side effect. You'll faint when I tell you how much it will cost to produce."

Heart surgeon tastooing patients heart with "Love".

"If you don't want stitches, that's fine. Suture self."

'Is there another doctor in the house? He wants a second opinion.'

'Goodness, no Doctor, my husband is not calling you any insulting names. He's a duck and that's the only word he knows.'

Man is stopped from entering doctor's surgery by a receptionist dressed as a bouncer.

"And as soon as he's on the mend,we'll get the physiotherapist in here with a ball of twine."

"The first one's just a warning."

'You're going to have to make some changes in your lifestyle.'

"I'm afraid we'll have to operate. Your appendix has an infection and it's extremely aggressive."

Surgeon finds a doohickey on the patient's thingamabob.

Medical Building Directory: Dr. Larry Nix, Dr. Sally Putty, etc..

"The tests confirms you have short-term memory loss."

Cardiac Recovery.

'You have a strawberry on your nose, I'll give you some cream to put on it!'

'No, Mr. Simmons, your MR images aren't in yet. We have older equipment, which takes a little longer to process.'

"That's an awfully large small intestine and an awfully small large intestine."

"I won't stick my tongue out. You told me it was rude."

"All my symptoms are old ... "

"No, I won't write your prescription legibly...you'd just google it and ask a lot of dumb questions."