Healthcare Chitchatter Gifts

'No, I don't think Dr. Williams will be mad because you came to me for a second opinion, but I'm mad because you didn't come to me first.'

"She's fine. She just needs some tofu."

Covid deniers and anti-vaxxers

"The biopsy on your mole came back negative, which is positive, which is good."

What the patient heard and what the doctor meant to convey.

'Have you heard about the new Medicare drug plan called plan C? Medicare gives you $30 for a bus ticket to Canada!'

'I'll see your Social Security Supplement and raise you Medicare and a Canadian pharmacy ID.'

'It's a brand new state-of-the-art waiting room.'

"I finally have an ailment that isn't so bad that I'm worried, but bad enough for me to complain about constantly"

"They used to call them G.P.s."

Now showing - "What's the least noisy film we can chat through?"

Antibiotics versus probiotics: A battle of wills.

'And you say your face after you looked at the bill I sent you for your last visit.'

'Legislature' doctor scratching his head over a syringe marked 'Free market Principles' with those marked 'Regulations' in the bin

"We at MEGAPHARMA are 100% behind the benefits of 'talking therapies' which is why we've developed MEGAZYMOLIN to enhance the experience..."

"Well, yes, I suppose I could explain the test results in 'plain English' — but then you'd know how sick you are."

'I'm holding firm against any government health plan.'

'I've got a patient who needs to chat to someone...Have you got anyone who's completed the 'verbal communication with patients in a personal, supportive but not disempowering' course?'

'Is there a doctor in the house we can trust?'

NHS Very Direct: 'You have a terminal illness and are going to die. Thanks for your call.'

"I hope that you're not refusing free dental care for ideological reasons."

Hospital: Accident and Emergency and On Purpose and Suffering Nicely.

'Sure, you can communicate with him. He's also hooked up to the Internet.'

Vaping cigarette

FLu jabs delayed for third year running...'GP's are always saying they want more consistency, less change...So we haven't changed ANYTHING for three years!'

'In order for the new Health Care Bill to pass, we'll need to remove the option of Health and Care, and give taxpayers the bill.'

"She's fine. She just needs some tofu."

Two workers chatting by vending machine: 'Who are you working on at the moment?'

'I don't want surgery...can you just touch up the x-rays?'

Warning: Birth control pills carry a history of heart attack or stroke....

"And he can make 347,000 home visits in one night!"

'Yours is an elective surgery, so we're still deciding if we feel like doing it or not.'

"A terminal illness? That's seen as a weakness in my business."

'I need you to open wide, Peel.' - 'Ahhh.' - 'Not your mouth, fool! Your wallet.' - 'Arghhh!' - 'Wider!' - 'Argh!'

"How did it go? Read my blog."