Health Zealot Gifts

Bottled water has no trans fats.

'If you give up alcohol, cigarettes, sex, red meat, cakes and chocolate, and don't get too excited, you can enjoy life for a few more years yet.'

Dietician to man: 'To address your spare tire we must first get in touch with your inner tube.'

"Things are still a little rough for me, and occasionally I lose hope and get depressed—but I'm getting stronger every day."

Captain Ahab searched for a vaccine.

"Your contents have shifted."

'I'm ninety-two! Tell me what I'm doing wrong... I dare you!"

"Today we'll be performing some much needed maintenance on Miss Trimbles weak pelvic floor."

"Your bad cholesterol is trying to persuade your good cholesterol to switch sides."

"If you'd only come to me sooner I wouldn't have had to go to lunch."

Good Cop/Bad Cholesterol

Studies show foods work miracles!

"Can you come back? We're still counting carbs."

"We won!"

'Now that's what I call a kebab... a skewer with whole pies!'

'It's perfectly normal for middle-aged men to put on a little weight.'

'If you want to live a long time, try not to do anything that will kill you.'

"You can't compare apples and oranges because oranges have longer legs."

"What do you mean 'sitting is the new smoking'? I thought fat was the new smoking?"

"I work out in preparation for being out of shape for the next 30 years."

'Your reflexes are still good!'

Kid with 'Little Wellness Facilitator' kit

'You need to stay away from the pie in the sky.'

"Can Johnny come out and eat?"

"Migration ruins my 10,000 steps."

'Good news. Your cholesterol has stayed the same, but the research findings have changed.'

'We're all out of flu vaccine - how about something for anxiety...?'

'It's the only known prevention for swine flu...Big bad wolf serum...'

"I'll faithfully follow any diet plan as long as you also prescribe medical marijuana."

Begin this high fiber diet slowly. Too fast and your co-workers may complain of a greenhouse effect.

Corona Funeral

Institute of Health next to Alternative medicine dept

'Every new year Gym membership goes up - for the Panto season.'

"When was the last time you exercised something other than a purchase option?"

"The saying Use It or Lose It isn’t referring to one’s appetite."