Health Zealot Pillows

Bottled water has no trans fats.

'If you give up alcohol, cigarettes, sex, red meat, cakes and chocolate, and don't get too excited, you can enjoy life for a few more years yet.'

Dietician to man: 'To address your spare tire we must first get in touch with your inner tube.'

"Things are still a little rough for me, and occasionally I lose hope and get depressed—but I'm getting stronger every day."

Captain Ahab searched for a vaccine.

"Your contents have shifted."

'I'm ninety-two! Tell me what I'm doing wrong... I dare you!"

"If you'd only come to me sooner I wouldn't have had to go to lunch."

"Today we'll be performing some much needed maintenance on Miss Trimbles weak pelvic floor."

Good Cop/Bad Cholesterol

"Your bad cholesterol is trying to persuade your good cholesterol to switch sides."

Studies show foods work miracles!

"Can you come back? We're still counting carbs."

"We won!"

'Now that's what I call a kebab... a skewer with whole pies!'

'You need to stay away from the pie in the sky.'

'Your reflexes are still good!'

Kid with 'Little Wellness Facilitator' kit

"Migration ruins my 10,000 steps."

"Can Johnny come out and eat?"

"You can't compare apples and oranges because oranges have longer legs."

"I work out in preparation for being out of shape for the next 30 years."

"What do you mean 'sitting is the new smoking'? I thought fat was the new smoking?"

'If you want to live a long time, try not to do anything that will kill you.'

'It's perfectly normal for middle-aged men to put on a little weight.'

'Good news. Your cholesterol has stayed the same, but the research findings have changed.'

'We're all out of flu vaccine - how about something for anxiety...?'

Begin this high fiber diet slowly. Too fast and your co-workers may complain of a greenhouse effect.

'It's the only known prevention for swine flu...Big bad wolf serum...'

"I'll faithfully follow any diet plan as long as you also prescribe medical marijuana."

Corona Funeral

'Every new year Gym membership goes up - for the Panto season.'

Institute of Health next to Alternative medicine dept

Exercising

"When was the last time you exercised something other than a purchase option?"