Health Optimizer T-Shirts

'You have the body of a 22 year old man, providing your birthday is February 29th.'

'Your glaucoma will never improve this way, Buzzy.'

'Honestly you could drive a 'coach and horses' through this document, there's no definition of 'weight loss', no time frame, no sanctions.'

"It looks like another productive night of sleep and exercise. My smart watch logged seven hours of sleep and over 1,500 steps from sleep walking."

"The nurse says I'm morbidly obese...so what are you going to do about it?"

"Remember, you're only as sick as you feel."

'Notice how with truth in packaging requirements all the labels begin with ‘OMG!''

'Eee,love - this place gives me a great idea for the spare bedroom!'

Don't Waste A Moment! Put Down That Magazine And Get Fit While You Sit!

"We want it to look lived in, but not necessarily by us."

'You've been rearranging the furniture again, haven't you?'

"It's a terrific space, Tony—but do you think the TV will fit?"

Time Management Conultancy - Out, Out

'I don't want you to give up eating entirely -- just the food part.'

Bank. Moving Co. Joe got an apartment above the bank. He moved his things in today. Now he can say his "assets are over ten million dollars"!

"The mirrors really do make this apartment look bigger."

Castle Efficiency

"And these are the Andersons, our tenants."

"I'd consider taking out this appendix you'renot using and greatly expanding your kidney area."

"How many capsule wardrobes is this again?"

"Just think- if it really was 'unlivably small,' would they have installed a permanent Ping-Pong table?"

'How do you like the new cubicle?' - 'Can I have my old office back please.'

"That's your tiny house!"

"You said to start the laundry and bathe the cat, so I thought I could save time if..."

Overloaded on Junk Food.

Silly man ordered a bed that is too big for his room.

"Lay off the junk food, your pancreas is rusty"

"I watched that Marie Kondo program on decluttering and decided to get rid of Norman."

'And I repeat. Live each day as though it were your last.'

'I want to lose weight, Doctor.' - 'Eat less, then.' - 'I need it to be more complicated than that.' - 'Why?' - 'How can I justify failing if it's that simple, eh?!' - 'Gah. He's breaking me...' -

'I prefer it this way.'

"Actually, turns out my entire life can take place at 10%."

"It's really too much house for us, but Fran and I plan to live in the walk-in closet and rent the rest."

"I, too, like being festive, but since we live in a nest, space is a factor."

"I like putting any all the holiday decorations....it makes the room seem twice as large."