Love Life Optimizer T-Shirts

"It's a gift for my husband. Something with an aphrodisiac would be good!"

"I just love the way you're so endlessly inventive in the bedroom."

Everyone agrees: Aunt Juanita needs a man.

"Boy, I hope we never end up like this."

'If we respect each other, contraception makes sense!'

"It was meant to be a surprise romantic dinner for two, but to cut a long story short, it's been a recipe for disaster."

"Of course I love you, I'm just busy with other men."

"We didn't spend much time together when we first got married, so we're making up for lost time. We now have a date night 300 days a year."

"Now give me something intimate to say."

"Estoy aqui abajo!" ( I'm down here!)

Make love not war

'I know you love her and want to protect her. But it's wrong to laminate her.'

"I'm not trying to change you. That's the personal trainer I hired's job."

"I just feel like we're not connecting."

"We have box shapes for every commitment level."

"We slipped in the tub."

"I can't wait 'til we're so close we don't have to talk."

'Short brown hair. Very cuddly, good in bed.'

'And I repeat. Live each day as though it were your last.'

Another Hot and Heavy Night of Explaining

"Boys meet the girls. Girls meet the boys. . ."

'Were you playing footsie with me?'

"Actually, turns out my entire life can take place at 10%."

"We can't go on meeting like this, I'm practically broke."

'Of course you're my first - Why do you men always ask that question?'

"Wouldn't you be more comfortable if you lived at home?"

Archers.

"I think you are exceeding the speed limit."

'Well, we've been talking about downsizing, and it looks like the bank is going to make sure we do.'

Sex shop

Love struck wife looks over the barbed wife set up by her husband who is determined to enjoy a good nights sleep.

'I'm not sure this is going to work out.'

"I woke up this morning with a pain in my neck. That her lying there?"