Love Life Optimizer T-Shirts

"It's a gift for my husband. Something with an aphrodisiac would be good!"

"I just love the way you're so endlessly inventive in the bedroom."

Everyone agrees: Aunt Juanita needs a man.

"Boy, I hope we never end up like this."

"We REALLY do get better with age."

'If we respect each other, contraception makes sense!'

"Of course I love you, I'm just busy with other men."

"It was meant to be a surprise romantic dinner for two, but to cut a long story short, it's been a recipe for disaster."

"We didn't spend much time together when we first got married, so we're making up for lost time. We now have a date night 300 days a year."

Time Management Conultancy - Out, Out

"Estoy aqui abajo!" ( I'm down here!)

'I know you love her and want to protect her. But it's wrong to laminate her.'

"I'm not trying to change you. That's the personal trainer I hired's job."

Make love not war

"Now give me something intimate to say."

"We have box shapes for every commitment level."

"I just feel like we're not connecting."

"We slipped in the tub."

'Short brown hair. Very cuddly, good in bed.'

'And I repeat. Live each day as though it were your last.'

"I can't wait 'til we're so close we don't have to talk."

"I watched that Marie Kondo program on decluttering and decided to get rid of Norman."

"We can't go on meeting like this, I'm practically broke."

"Boys meet the girls. Girls meet the boys. . ."

"Actually, turns out my entire life can take place at 10%."

'Were you playing footsie with me?'

'Of course you're my first - Why do you men always ask that question?'

Another Hot and Heavy Night of Explaining

Archers.

"Wouldn't you be more comfortable if you lived at home?"

"Are you 'Athletic, bronzed male, early thirties seeking buxom, fun-loving younger female'?"

"I think you are exceeding the speed limit."

Sex shop

'I'm not sure this is going to work out.'

"I could see my mating dance had caught her eye, so I put more energy into it, but I ended up sweaty and out of breath: she lost interest then. . ."