Health Journey Storyteller Gifts

'It took her three months to quit smoking and five years to quit talking about quitting.'

'My body has rejected every diet I've tried.'

Be Healthy

'Eat less. Drink less. Be merry more.'

'Nowadays we want all our food to be ethically sourced, Personally I'd be happy if it was all chocolated sauced,'

'Almost everything I have hurts and what doesn't hurt doesn't work!'

Begin this high fiber diet slowly. Too fast and your co-workers may complain of a greenhouse effect.

"My diet plan for you is if it tastes good, spit it out."

'Barb had her stomach replaced with a mouse's stomach to help her eat less.'

"Would you like me to give it to you straight or sugar-coated?"

"Push harder - I still can't see the scale."

"I haven't lost any weight after two weeks of dieting, but my hair's getting thinner."

"You need to lose 20 cable channels."

"Grandmother, what big diastolic numbers you have."

'I did have a tummy-tuck...But I opted for reconstruction surgery at the same time.'

'Looks like Shelia has overdone it with the cream scones this week!'

Dieting Motivation.

Attack of the 'health' foods

"You're just a shell of your former self. You need to improve your diet."

"I’d like to return my Fitbit—It won’t stop calling me a lazy piece of sh*t."

Ed finally had to admit that his body was less of a temple and more of a worn-out parish church with a bouncy castle out front.

'It's not my fault that I've developed habits that cannot be sustained.'

''Exercise'? -- But I hate to eat and run!'

"We're looking for a 5000 step walk."

Scales

Women holding onto birds so that her weight seems lower

Obese man using a exercise machine. His false teeth are flying out.

'Ask your doctor if getting your fat butt off the couch might be right for you!'

"Dear Diary... I've stopped smoking, and I'm sticking to my diet."

"If you follow my orders and break those bad habits, you'll be in as good a shape as you've never been."

'I see you've managed to cut your coffee consumption in half.'

Gym. Whatever weight I manage to lose here I always seem to find on my way home. Donuts.

A woman stares at a birthday cake that has "4,000,000 calories" written on top of it in icing.

"My brain said, exercise....my tummy auto-corrected that to, extra-fries!"

'I've added a few minutes to that hour glass figure I had in school.'