Health Journey Storyteller Gifts

'It took her three months to quit smoking and five years to quit talking about quitting.'

'My body has rejected every diet I've tried.'

Be Healthy

'Eat less. Drink less. Be merry more.'

'Nowadays we want all our food to be ethically sourced, Personally I'd be happy if it was all chocolated sauced,'

'Almost everything I have hurts and what doesn't hurt doesn't work!'

Begin this high fiber diet slowly. Too fast and your co-workers may complain of a greenhouse effect.

"My diet plan for you is if it tastes good, spit it out."

"Would you like me to give it to you straight or sugar-coated?"

"I haven't lost any weight after two weeks of dieting, but my hair's getting thinner."

"You need to lose 20 cable channels."

"Grandmother, what big diastolic numbers you have."

'I did have a tummy-tuck...But I opted for reconstruction surgery at the same time.'

Dieting Motivation.

'Looks like Shelia has overdone it with the cream scones this week!'

Scales

'It's not my fault that I've developed habits that cannot be sustained.'

"You're just a shell of your former self. You need to improve your diet."

Women holding onto birds so that her weight seems lower

Attack of the 'health' foods

"I’d like to return my Fitbit—It won’t stop calling me a lazy piece of sh*t."

"We're looking for a 5000 step walk."

Ed finally had to admit that his body was less of a temple and more of a worn-out parish church with a bouncy castle out front.

''Exercise'? -- But I hate to eat and run!'

'Ask your doctor if getting your fat butt off the couch might be right for you!'

"Dear Diary... I've stopped smoking, and I'm sticking to my diet."

Obese man using a exercise machine. His false teeth are flying out.

"If you follow my orders and break those bad habits, you'll be in as good a shape as you've never been."

'I see you've managed to cut your coffee consumption in half.'

"Until we get more employees to join, we'll just have to roll with the paunches."

"My brain said, exercise....my tummy auto-corrected that to, extra-fries!"

'I've added a few minutes to that hour glass figure I had in school.'

A woman stares at a birthday cake that has "4,000,000 calories" written on top of it in icing.