Health Insurance Claims Manager Gifts

Divine Retribution in the Age of Coronavirus

"Quick! Act like we just developed a drug that they can sell for seven thousand dollars a pill."

Armstrong, the only doctor covered in the new health plan you got me is a veterinarian! Beats no coverage. Yeah, if you're a parakeet. You're so cheap. You don't value me at all. You ingrate. I didn't have to give you health benefits. Lots of employers don't cover their animals. You mean workers. Stop your barking.

Prospective hospital employee: 'I do sutures. Are there any openings?'

'I'm sorry. It looks like your insurance company doesn't cover pre-existing life.'

'The position carries no salary, just healthcare coverage.'

Employer surrenders to case loads of workplace disputes and claims.

Jesus Christ, Health Insurance CEO

'This could be a very expensive operation — I'm going to refer you to the Federal Government.'

"Do you cover hypochondria?"

'Rising health costs are the biggest drain on the economy, so I'll be laying off some of my patients.'

Hospital Deaths - "Congratulations, you're manager of the month again"

'So he eats the odd secretary now and then. He's our top actuary and I intend to make him a partner.'

NHS Reforms: See No Evil, Hear No Evil and Speak No Evil.

"Maybe a little inconvenient, but not a single case of the flu in the entire office."

"Well TECHNICALLY he might be DEAD, but accordinh to the hospital's new patient satisfaction metrics he's pretty damned pleased about it."

Androcles, the Lion, and Sid, health insurance auditor.

'Desks equipped with airbags - for now that's our company's health plan.'

'The problem is that you're overmedicated. Luckily there are drugs that can help with that.'

'Everything looks good, Now, we'll just bring in the company psychic to see if you have any pre-existing conditions from a previous life.'

'Before we unload him, he'd like a written price support.'

'The operation we want you to do is to remove 25 from our budgets.'

'I recommend a second opinion so the HMO won't second guess me.'

'That is one nasty whiplash!'

"This is a third-year medical student. To cut costs, your insurance company dismissed the surgeon."

'Yes we can cure you - but the bigger problem now is: can you afford it?'

"Your insurance company decided the heart surgery isn't necessary, but they said they'd approve breast augmentation."

Warning: Eating This Food Could Result in a Decrease of Health Benefits

"We can't have Single Payer - what will people do without claim denials and endless hoops to jump through?"

'Sorry, our HMO doesn't approve treatments of 'owies'.'

"Want me to send my nurse in here to tickle you? Laughter is the only medicine you can afford."

'We're to spend more time engaging with patients on a more compassionate 'human' level...and here are the guidelines on how to do it!'

Take one Per Day as Affordable.

'And out hospital has rooms...lots of rooms, and some beds, and we've got stairs.'

'I can't give you a raise, Milhouse, because I'm going broke supplying you with health care.'