Health Instructor Gifts

'Touch my toes? I can't even see my toes!'

'Er! Did you see that obesity is killing more people than road accidents.'

"What did you say about the health of my gut biome?"

"Good For You / Bad For You"

'Personally I take all these programmes with a pinch of salt.'

'I stay trim because of high metabolism. Theirs, not mine.'

'You've hit the fitness plateau.'

"The fish sticks here are very good."

Lady drying hair whilst on exercise bike.

'I love your cardiovascular system!'

Muscles

'Every piece of equipment is hooked up to battery cells in the basement, and we actually sell electricity back to the power company!'

Be Healthy

"What's that mark on your arm, Mama?"

would you like it with extra botulism and a touch of salmonella?

Bad for you but to die for

"Well, I had 'the talk' with him.

"Today we'll be performing some much needed maintenance on Miss Trimbles weak pelvic floor."

Good Cop/Bad Cholesterol

'I'm just not sure how much more I can teach you.'

Distance to avoid contagion

"We're exclusively delts."

The Gospel According To Jane Brody"Orange, come in. Apple, come in. Hey you, frankfurter, hold it right there."

Biceps, muscles and brawn

'If you exercise you add 10 years to your life.' - 'But I would spend the 10 years exercising.'

Exercise Class

Health and Safety Gone Mad.

Even good cholesterol can develop an unhealthy sports addiction...

'In a nutshell, foods are drugged and drugs are eaten like food.'

"Is that your idea of a well balanced diet"

'According to the weight chart, if you were a condor, you'd have a wingspan of 97 feet.'

"Haven't you wondered why I live about 50 years longer thank you?"

"I think you put too much healthy food in our smart refrigerator. It's about to spit it all out."

'It all started when he tried to assemble a backyard gym without reading the instructions.'

"Forget sugar and spice and everything nice. I'm going for buns of steel!"