Health Improvement Seeker Pillows

"How's the gastric band working out?"

They hated me.

'If you give up alcohol, cigarettes, sex, red meat, cakes and chocolate, and don't get too excited, you can enjoy life for a few more years yet.'

'My body has rejected every diet I've tried.'

"I spent all day learning productivity hacks"

'Let me through, I'm at Doctor.com.'

"I know it’s an issue, and we’re working on it in therapy."

"Today we'll be performing some much needed maintenance on Miss Trimbles weak pelvic floor."

'Believe me, I know transformation isn't easy. I pulled a muscle once.'

Critisize your weight.

Cat with Lion reflection in mirror

'The second diet of my diet is always the easiest. By then, I'm off my diet.'

"I like you in that one—it gives you an aura of mindfulness."

Institute of Health next to Alternative medicine dept

"My diet plan for you is if it tastes good, spit it out."

"Oh, please. Lord, no ... I'm only 50! No, please – anything but reading glasses!"

'He taught me the importance of taking a walk each day.'

"Commandments aren't really selling these days. However, we're willing to consider self-help tips or personal improvement ideas."

Exercise Bars

"...Wow, if Malcolm Gladwell is right, we need to get a cat who's a Virgo ASAP!"

"I haven't lost any weight after two weeks of dieting, but my hair's getting thinner."

'Our health-care system - eat organically.'

"My wife says she wants you to make me fit for purpose."

Giving Things Up For Lent.

"Albert the Great—what a joke."

I read an article about the health benefits of dark chocolate so I make sure all the donuts I eat are covered with dark chocolate.

'Do you think I need to eat less. Do you have a book you could recommend to tell me how?'

'You again? You know it's called a mid-life crisis, not mid-week!'

"When you're healed, I'm going to wear it so I can't see what I weigh."

'I'm sorry, Louis. I should have warned you that I installed a speed bump in front of the refrigerator.'

Stopping smoking at work had given Tim the energy to explore his creativity ... 'And I like to call this my dance of the fourth quarters 'profit and loss' account.'

"Looks like your Yang is on the move again."

"That's good. Now extend the fingers and lose the attitude."

"How long have I had what problem?"

"Wings will be cool, I guess, but I'm mostly hoping the braces and pimples fall off."