Personal Improvement Seeker Pillows

"Commandments aren't really selling these days. However, we're willing to consider self-help tips or personal improvement ideas."

They hated me.

'You could be a constant inspiration for us to come up with a plan to get a leg up on our competition...you're hired!'

'If you give up alcohol, cigarettes, sex, red meat, cakes and chocolate, and don't get too excited, you can enjoy life for a few more years yet.'

'My body has rejected every diet I've tried.'

"I spent all day learning productivity hacks"

"I know it’s an issue, and we’re working on it in therapy."

"... And finally, I’d like to thank the FDA for approving Botox."

"This could be the year someone actually goes up there."

'Believe me, I know transformation isn't easy. I pulled a muscle once.'

Feedback should be sought for genuine reasons, not because you want compliments. . .

"If I 'HAD IT ALL' it would it be enough?"

"I hurt a lot of people during my last twelve steps."

Cat with Lion reflection in mirror

Critisize your weight.

"I chose to stand up to special interest groups!"

"I like you in that one—it gives you an aura of mindfulness."

'The second diet of my diet is always the easiest. By then, I'm off my diet.'

"My diet plan for you is if it tastes good, spit it out."

"You say I can move mountains? Right now,it's all I can do to turn over a new leaf!"

(Man with 'BEFORE sign): 'My wife says I'm a work-in-progress.'

"...Wow, if Malcolm Gladwell is right, we need to get a cat who's a Virgo ASAP!"

"I haven't lost any weight after two weeks of dieting, but my hair's getting thinner."

Giving Things Up For Lent.

"Albert the Great—what a joke."

"How's the job interviews going?" "Not well. Seems they only want the best and the brightest."

'Is it okay to apologize for something I'm going to do?'

"How long have I had what problem?"

"Wings will be cool, I guess, but I'm mostly hoping the braces and pimples fall off."

"When you're healed, I'm going to wear it so I can't see what I weigh."

'Do you think I need to eat less. Do you have a book you could recommend to tell me how?'

'You again? You know it's called a mid-life crisis, not mid-week!'

"I told you, if you're looking for a road map for your life, that's all you're gonna get."

"Every time I explore the corners of my mind, I have the urge to dust."

When life gives you lemons...