Health Improvement Enthusiast Gifts

Hypnotist: Stop Smoking/ Lose Weight/ Recover Forgotten Passwords.

'Conquer the known world and, er...that's it.'

'If you give up alcohol, cigarettes, sex, red meat, cakes and chocolate, and don't get too excited, you can enjoy life for a few more years yet.'

Dietician to man: 'To address your spare tire we must first get in touch with your inner tube.'

"Things are still a little rough for me, and occasionally I lose hope and get depressed—but I'm getting stronger every day."

"Teach yourself what you don't know you don't know."

"Your contents have shifted."

"Let me slip into something a little more thoughtful."

A man sprays his bald head with "Spray Hair" to make it seem as thought he has hair.

'I'm ninety-two! Tell me what I'm doing wrong... I dare you!"

"If you'd only come to me sooner I wouldn't have had to go to lunch."

"Today we'll be performing some much needed maintenance on Miss Trimbles weak pelvic floor."

Good Cop/Bad Cholesterol

"Your bad cholesterol is trying to persuade your good cholesterol to switch sides."

Studies show foods work miracles!

"Can you come back? We're still counting carbs."

Organic Produce: No Pesticides, Herbicides or Bad Vibes.

What else is there to wish for?

'It's perfectly normal for middle-aged men to put on a little weight.'

"What do you mean 'sitting is the new smoking'? I thought fat was the new smoking?"

'If you want to live a long time, try not to do anything that will kill you.'

Kid with 'Little Wellness Facilitator' kit

"You can't compare apples and oranges because oranges have longer legs."

'Your reflexes are still good!'

"Daddy, you have to flatten this curve."

"Can Johnny come out and eat?"

'You need to stay away from the pie in the sky.'

'Good news. Your cholesterol has stayed the same, but the research findings have changed.'

'It must be a problem of interpretation. I've read this book DOZENS of times, and I keep winding up here!'

'We're all out of flu vaccine - how about something for anxiety...?'

Begin this high fiber diet slowly. Too fast and your co-workers may complain of a greenhouse effect.

'It's the only known prevention for swine flu...Big bad wolf serum...'

"I'll faithfully follow any diet plan as long as you also prescribe medical marijuana."

Corona Funeral

Institute of Health next to Alternative medicine dept