Health Guideline Skeptic Gifts

It takes the fun out of it when the food police say it's okay.

'Personally I take all these programmes with a pinch of salt.'

"Nice try, Jim, but there's no such thing as a 'Beer cleanse'."

Safety Barriers

'Incidentally, our health insurance has limited eye coverage.'

"My blood type...it's the type that doesn't like to exercise."

'There's nothing wrong with him-just delusions of glandular.'

"He's so anti-regulation he won't even take a laxative."

'Frank, leak to the tabloids that these slow moving broccoli flakes cure cancer.'

'Where exactly did you get this 'Lifestyle Guru' from?'

'Look, half the work is done! All you need to do is fill in the top part so we can legally say the bottom part.'

"Wellness clinics, stress-management checkups, hypertension screenings, lab tests, crisis after crisis. Fibre foods, fish-oil capsules, unsaturated spreads, plaque. Say what they may, McCormack, we did it our way."

The council wanted us to have a Healthy Lifestyle Monitor

'According to Dr Alvin McDowell, everything that was good for you is now bad for you!'

'Extreme acupuncture.'

"Tarzan hate frivolous lawsuits."

"In a nutshell Mr. Beesley, you have hypochondria."

'It's just a recliner with built-in heart rate monitor. But look at how many big inflatable balls are sold as exercise equipment.'

'Coins, when swallowed, cause cancer. Perhaps money should be banned.'

Toilet roll beauty tips.

'Can I trust a Doctor whose prescriptions have absolutely no side effects?'

'Well you were warned about the dangers of sedentary lifestyle.'

Forget Your Worries at Velton Corners, Spa.

Doctor, I looked up my symptoms on the internet and I think I might be dead. Don't believe everything you read on the net.

"Why should I want to add years to my life when they all come at the end?"

'You are on a sickie you skiving little...'

"If exercise is so good for you, how come athletes retire at 35?"

'Seems like we're all too old, unfit, overweight. . .'

"These diet pills must work. My purse is getting thinner and thinner."

"My doctor said I needed to go on a diet. . . Yes, to a new doctor!"

'I'm going to try that 'vegan' thing, Joe -- give me some beer nuts.'

"Because when it actually works they just call it medicine."

"We at pharmacorp are 100% behind the benefits of 'physical and artistic' therapies which is why we've developed 'megazylomol' to enhance the experience!"