Health Guidelines Commentator Gifts

"Seriously?! You're robbing a bank, and you're still not wearing a mask?!!!"

'So far, all I can tell you for sure is how much I've charged you.'

'It's a brand new state-of-the-art waiting room.'

'I'm death for goodness sake - why do I have to adopt a more healthy lifestyle?'

Take a pill so you won't be one.

"They used to call them G.P.s."

VACCINATION REFUSAL

"We at MEGAPHARMA are 100% behind the benefits of 'talking therapies' which is why we've developed MEGAZYMOLIN to enhance the experience..."

'We believe it was at THIS point that the species became extinct.'

'Side effects may include loss of appetite, job, home and family.'

'Is there a doctor in the house we can trust?'

Hospital: Accident and Emergency and On Purpose and Suffering Nicely.

Health Foods

'I don't want surgery...can you just touch up the x-rays?'

The Visitor

MLB Owners, Players, Fans

"And he can make 347,000 home visits in one night!"

'I haven't read the health columns this morning. Is coffee out or in today?'

'Yours is an elective surgery, so we're still deciding if we feel like doing it or not.'

Obesity in America.

'I need you to open wide, Peel.' - 'Ahhh.' - 'Not your mouth, fool! Your wallet.' - 'Arghhh!' - 'Wider!' - 'Argh!'

"A low-level person who doesn't mean anything will see you now."

"Side effects include less visits by the grim reaper."

To the highest bidder

"The little thin girl inside you that wants to get out now weighs 200 pounds!"

'Now that's more like it.'

'As far as I'm concerned all this talk of 'privatisation' is just a lot of media hype!'

Hospital

"Is there a doctor in the house to treat someone without health insurance?"

Elderly man on phone in bed - 'Press 1 if you have bed sores, Press 2 if you need to go to the toilet...'

'Now I'll show you what turns a $6,000 operation into a $17,000 operation.'

"For healthy older patients like yourself who are running out of money, I prescribe red meat, fat, and booze."

"I had an accident at work. Can you treat me at your hospital?"

'I had a stroke.'

'I'm just checking on Ebay to see if there's any news on that liver replacement we were looking for!'