Health Executive Gifts

'I think it's time for me to get out of heath foods...'

Occu-Pie Mars

A female patient in an exam room sees a sign that reads, 'Break glass in case of physician burnout'

'Whoever said 'The only thing we have to fear is fear itself' never had a room full of angry shareholders.'

"I know what this is, it's what mum and dad call 'working from home'...

"I've done this procedure so often I could do it in my sleep. But that's only happened twice – that I'll admit to."

'You're overdue for your checkup.'

"He likes it."

Build Your Own Portfolio

'We're finding out that those 'wrongs' we made 'right' were actually right after all.'

'We're here to carbon date your company's carbon footprint.'

"You may have been the victim of a mis-sold PFI contract."

Surgeon finds a doohickey on the patient's thingamabob.

"Here, we do not procrastinate, we 'table' things."

'I want to forewarn you that my HMO won't approve any treatment that uses a needle.'

Yomp Foundation Presentation committee: 'Don't let the gong intimidate you!'

"Quick! Act like we just developed a drug that they can sell for seven thousand dollars a pill."

'Will you raise my allowance? I want to play doctor but can't afford the malpractice insurance.'

"I know other hospitals are worried about the superbug, but ours is the only one that understands the accounts system."

Disease Management

"When I grow up, I want to go into medicine and help people who can pay out of pocket."

"Oh dear...I don't think negotiations are going too well..."

'A problem with the Phase II trials. Everyone - all the people - was given the placebo, and no one got the drug.'

"In case something happens during the surgery and you become incapacitated, have you designated someone to make poor life choices on your behalf?"

"No, I won't write your prescription legibly...you'd just google it and ask a lot of dumb questions."

Virtual Doctor

'What's wrong with me, Doctor?' 'I have no idea! That information comes within doctor-patient confidentiality.'

"Yeah, I know. bu tthe administration didn't want to appear culturally insensitive."

'Let's hope the new norm means that less really is more.'

This is not the time to be restructuring the NHS in the middle of a pandemic Mr. Hancock!

Prospective hospital employee: 'I do sutures. Are there any openings?'

Internet.

"Today we are going to find out if you can that leap."

"C'mon people! All for me and me for me!"

"How long were you in the waiting room?"