Health-conscious Trendsetter Gifts

"Actually, kale is toxic."

Raw food, after you leave for work.

"Vitamin B6, Vitamin B12, Calcium, Kelp, Brewer's Yeast, Aspirin?"

"I think globally, but I tend to pollute locally."

'Miss Raleigh. I'm studying megatrends. Bring me some megavitamins.'

"I used to be a vegetarian. Then I became a vegan. Then a fruitarian. Now I only eat manna that falls from Heaven."

"Slow down. I need another drink. Can we rest for a minute?"

"How are the new lips feeling babe?"

Victoria's secret lovers: Barry, Al, Percy.

Too Skinny, Too Fat

"When did everybody stop jogging?"

"Here's to us, kid—and the healing powers of raw juices."

"It isn't fair! Why aren't thin lips fashionable?"

New Shades 2020

Football fans in corona times

'Those are to increase my mental energy. . . Those are a mild sedative to calm my nerves.'

"As far as I can tell, meditation is just worrying minus the content."

"And I'll have my usual - 'Mutton dressed as lamb'!"

"Which celebrities do this type of yoga?"

A woman stops at a building directory sign for Centers for Diseases.

Eventually I'd like to major in cosmetic surgery.

'You have to go where the market takes you.'

'More versatile than you think - the building is made of tofu.'

'Do the flu masks come in other colors?'

Woman who has run out of make-up

"We've ruled out anything trendy."

The Decafé

'I don't care. You're not going over to the dark side and that's final.'

'I think your overdoing the pineapple juicing!'

"For my second breast augmentation I added a WiFi hotspot."

'Uh... did you say you are on a lead diet?' 'Dude... it's all natural!'

'Nothing says congrats on a healthy new diet than an arrangement of broccoli, fruit and cauliflower!'

Firewood for Sale

"It's a new craft beverage with zero carbs, zero calories, and no bitter aftertaste. It's called water."

'They contain absolutely no fat, sugar, or sodium -- the downside is, they're just a little bit radioactive.'