Health-conscious Trendsetter Gifts

"Actually, kale is toxic."

Raw food, after you leave for work.

"Vitamin B6, Vitamin B12, Calcium, Kelp, Brewer's Yeast, Aspirin?"

"I think globally, but I tend to pollute locally."

'Miss Raleigh. I'm studying megatrends. Bring me some megavitamins.'

"I used to be a vegetarian. Then I became a vegan. Then a fruitarian. Now I only eat manna that falls from Heaven."

"Slow down. I need another drink. Can we rest for a minute?"

"How are the new lips feeling babe?"

Victoria's secret lovers: Barry, Al, Percy.

Too Skinny, Too Fat

"When did everybody stop jogging?"

"Here's to us, kid—and the healing powers of raw juices."

"It isn't fair! Why aren't thin lips fashionable?"

New Shades 2020

'Those are to increase my mental energy. . . Those are a mild sedative to calm my nerves.'

Football fans in corona times

"As far as I can tell, meditation is just worrying minus the content."

"And I'll have my usual - 'Mutton dressed as lamb'!"

"Which celebrities do this type of yoga?"

Eventually I'd like to major in cosmetic surgery.

A woman stops at a building directory sign for Centers for Diseases.

'I don't care. You're not going over to the dark side and that's final.'

The Decafé

'Do the flu masks come in other colors?'

'More versatile than you think - the building is made of tofu.'

"We've ruled out anything trendy."

'You have to go where the market takes you.'

Woman who has run out of make-up

'I think your overdoing the pineapple juicing!'

"For my second breast augmentation I added a WiFi hotspot."

"Yeah, and what's it to you if I am gluten free?"

'Uh... did you say you are on a lead diet?' 'Dude... it's all natural!'

'Nothing says congrats on a healthy new diet than an arrangement of broccoli, fruit and cauliflower!'

'They contain absolutely no fat, sugar, or sodium -- the downside is, they're just a little bit radioactive.'

Firewood for Sale