Health Conscious Hottie Pillows

'They contain absolutely no fat, sugar, or sodium -- the downside is, they're just a little bit radioactive.'

'Well, well, well...'

'No, honestly, it's just diet and exercise.'

March Against Big Tech: "Oh, wow, this has bee great for my step count!"

"What do you mean 'sitting is the new smoking'? I thought fat was the new smoking?"

Distance to avoid contagion

I'm trying to read your test results from urology, but their server can only stream them a little bit at a time.

'Look, you're just going to have to cut back. Times have changed. . . Today's kids are full of hydrogenated oils, trans fats, corn syrup, and all kinds of preservatives.'

"Everything is dandy--and our intestinal biomes are joyous."

I have been working so hard I haven't gone to the gym in ages. You've been trying to make ends meet and forgot about the middle!

"I lost 20lbs on my diet. I guess it's time for a relapse."

I'm not evolving - I just thought I should lower my salt intake.

Running

Wash your hands

'Pumpkin pie isn't dessert. It's another vegetable.'

Dating in 2020

"I didn't ask to be made with seventeen grams of fat."

Flash Cuisine

'My mother's resolution is to eat more vegetables, and my resolution is to help her by giving her mine.'

'Our menu is divided into three sections: Cancer causing foods, artery clogging foods, and foods that are being boycotted for political or environmental reasons.'

'You've become run down from working too much. Try sneezing on your boss.'

"Here's to us, kid—and the healing powers of raw juices."

"She was really disappointed when she found out she was going to an eye doctor and not an iDoctor."

'I'm not feeling well. I think I've got human flu.'

"Gracie, I think you've made your point. We can't completely remove meat from this family's diet...but we will try very hard to cut back, OK?"

Lemonade 5c Sugar Free: 'It sure is!'

"Sugar, trans fats, and an adorable dead baby lamb. Cash back?"

'Is it organic?'

Hiker Followed By Paramedic

Spring.

'And also, no cigarettes, no cigars, no alcohol,no sweets,no dairy products, no bacon, no ham...'

'I havn't finished last years Marathon yet...'

"Spring is in the air but it's December in my ABS."

"Oh, I listen to my body at meal time, but the messages aren't clear because its mouth is full!"

"Scientists have found out that drinking alcohol can be dangerous...well, water can be dangerous, too!"