Health Conscious Drinkers Pillows

"I gotta start taking better care of myself, Joe - you got any high-fiber whisky?"

'No, honestly, it's just diet and exercise.'

"When you've lost fifteen pounds...that's when the refrigerator gets returned!"

March Against Big Tech: "Oh, wow, this has bee great for my step count!"

I'm trying to read your test results from urology, but their server can only stream them a little bit at a time.

'Look, you're just going to have to cut back. Times have changed. . . Today's kids are full of hydrogenated oils, trans fats, corn syrup, and all kinds of preservatives.'

I have been working so hard I haven't gone to the gym in ages. You've been trying to make ends meet and forgot about the middle!

"Everything is dandy--and our intestinal biomes are joyous."

Wash your hands

Running

"But, doctor, what are the advantages of living longer?"

I'm not evolving - I just thought I should lower my salt intake.

I'd like a mocha almond vanilla latte...hold the coffee.

'Pumpkin pie isn't dessert. It's another vegetable.'

"I didn't ask to be made with seventeen grams of fat."

'My mother's resolution is to eat more vegetables, and my resolution is to help her by giving her mine.'

'I'm not feeling well. I think I've got human flu.'

"She was really disappointed when she found out she was going to an eye doctor and not an iDoctor."

'Is it organic?'

Spring.

"It's very important to wash your hooves!"

"Scientists have found out that drinking alcohol can be dangerous...well, water can be dangerous, too!"

'I havn't finished last years Marathon yet...'

"There. Straight from the organic veggie patch. The world's most expensive carrot."

"Okay, who hasn’t eaten a McDonald’s burger in the past two days?"

'In that case I'll do nothing!'

Football fans in corona times

"Spring is in the air but it's December in my ABS."

"I can't eat these nutrition bars. They're for women."

"...and lay off the energy drinks..."

'My prescription: digital textbooks.'

"So if I need to stop smoking and lose weight..what are you going to do about it?"

"Sorry sir - our sun screen only goes up to Factor - 100..."

'Test results are back. Coffee, donuts, sleep deprivation. Doc, you've got to start taking better care of yourself.'

'At least my blood pressure is nice and low.'