Health Care Assistant Gifts

Disorderlies

Opportunities in Coronatimes

2021

A female patient in an exam room sees a sign that reads, 'Break glass in case of physician burnout'

"Boy, am I glad they finally hired more staff!"

"I don't think you're getting enough stress."

"If you don't want stitches, that's fine. Suture self."

"Right about here there was a flattening of the curve. . ."

"Waiting for the vaccine launch."

vaccine wars.

'OK, the old one's in my right hand, the donor's in my left. Rght?'

'You're overdue for your checkup.'

DO Not Disturb (Except For Meals)

"Our war is against cancer."

"Unfortunately, your son swallowed a great deal of industrial adhesive. But don't worry: Epoxy can be cured."

Covid Inquiry / Enquiry

Captain Ahab searched for a vaccine.

'It's a difficult job, he needed a bigger than average 'stress ball'.'

"The prostate biopsy shows your pain threshold is much higher than normal."

'Well, well, well...'

"I'm afraid you could go at any time."

Social distancing

"What's that mark on your arm, Mama?"

"Congratulations, it's a lifetime of penury and countless sleepless nights!"

"The first one's just a warning."

'You're going to have to make some changes in your lifestyle.'

PSA Banter.

Doctor pulling golf caddy sees patient pulling oxygen caddy.

"The doctor wanted me to let you know that everything is fine, but your c-section didn't go quite as planned. it was more like a 'K' section..."

"This prognosis is positive, you've got a cold nose."

'Before you see any patients have you completed your hand sterilisation and soap management course?'

'And when did you have your last owl movement?'

'I want to forewarn you that my HMO won't approve any treatment that uses a needle.'

Dracula in a Vampire Hospital getting some extra blood from a Human blood drip