Health App Fan Gifts

'Yo Doc! I've got a health app, how about you examine my phone while I wait in the pub?'

"Migration ruins my 10,000 steps."

Healthy living has added years to Melvin's life.

'Sorry the doctor is running behind. You can keep today's appointment or I can fit you in tomorrow...whichever comes first.'

Valleyview diet clinic

'I cause sneezes.' 'I cause fever' 'I cause that 'I don't know- I just don't feel too good' feeling.'

'Be careful...It may not be organic.'

'I told you not to look up your ailments on the internet' - computer screen reads 'You have 3 days to live',

"I think it says 'courgettes'."

'Id like to see you in two weeks. Try not to eat during that time.'

"Well of course it's fast food. I cooked it faster than a speeding bullet."

"And more intriguingly, your prognosis differs depending on which search engine I use."

'Hundreds of years of medical progress, and all you can tell me to do is eat less?'

I'll take this one here.

Tommy John Surgery.

Football fans in corona times

"I'm not saying you have to give them up entirely, but you need to eat your young in moderation."

"I wanted crisps but this assessed my body mass index and gave me an apple ..."

That's my diagnosis. If you want a second opinion, I will ask my Smart Phone

"I've been using the latest home tech and apps to monitor my health....And after feeding the results into some online medical sites I discovered I was dead!"

'It's radical but it just might work!'

"No wonder he's so skinny - he eats like a bird."

Too Much SOY

Food Uncertainty

Man passes a storefront that reads "Napland - Tired? Come on in and lie down for awhile!"

"You know, Burkhart, if you're so damn afraid of the flu maybe you should just stay home."

"Oh, here's the problem. He's got a doohickey on his thingamabob."

'The knees are the first thing to go.'

"I'm getting the hang of the patient portal. It reminded me to refill my beta blocker, but I keep getting ads. Can you prescribe a good pop-up blocker too?"

"I am, of course, quite fit, or, if you prefer, quite extraordinarily fit, but I wouldn't say I was 'perfectly fit.'"

"I like to carry a lot of hand sanitizer. Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm off to see my chiropractor."

Welcome at the Healthful Restaurant. We allow neither cholesterol, GM food, colourings, dust nor guests.

Smart drugs. 'Gee, duh, I don't know. Does it look like we have any in stock?'

'So you were on your rowing machine, and then...?'

Auto Repair. I'm just taking it in for a few adjustments. A visit to the car-o-practor!