Health And Safety Officer Gifts

'This is your lucky day!'

Banana Warning

'Well he certainly does a very thorough risk analysis.'

"No wonder your arm aches. Shackles should be placed at eye level. Man, it's an ergonomic nightmare down here."

'Actually, I don't think any safety program would have caught this one,'

Boss at board meeting looks at colleague wearing helmet, headphones and strapped-on pillows, saying: 'I think, perhaps, we need to come up with a new approach to risk management.'

Man tripping over a cable at a safety awards night.

Procedures

Disaster Waiting to Happen Room.

'Now we're going to stay here until we reach our safety goal!'

"Suspenders and a belt? You must be the guy from risk management."

'All right... we've followed the health and safety directives, Can we get on with deliveries now?'

Worker: 'QUICK, does anybody here know First Aid?!' / Worker: 'Yeah, him.'

I only asked you to make a cup of tea, that doesn't need a risk assessment first...

Maybe next tiime you'll hand in the risk assessment on time

Office Ergonomics.

'If I was wearing my 'what'?!'

'Here - The Royal Safety Council said you have to wear this.'

'Go ahead and dig, you said! what are the odds there's a pipe right there, you said!'

'Fetch help quickly...The accident book's fallen on him!

Health and Safety Gone Mad - "It doesn't look safe, his face is totally exposed to danger."

Life is about MANAGING risk, not not taking any.

'In my day, we didn't concern ourselves with wimpy notions of workplace ergonomics.'

A man is balancing on two chairs to hang a 'safety first' sign.

'You're right; there's a frozen pea on the floor. I'll cordon off the area, sound the store alarm and call in the disposal experts.'

Jeff tests the smoke alarms.

Safety last.

"Don't tell me where you put it, just so long as you get rid of it."

'No, no, I've gone through all the steps in the procedure and I don't see anything about totally immersing yourself in oil before starting the job!!

"The sign ruins our surprise attack, but it's a big OSHA fine if we don't have it."

'I'm getting some unusually high readings around you.'

'Not cars. here we're testing oblivious texters walking into walls.'

'You know what's boring? Writing out lengthy 'near-miss' accident reports.'

Operating Instructions: 1) Grasp railing firmly with left hand. 2) Place right foot on nearest step. (directions for climbing stairs)

'Someone should fix that,'