Healing Heart Gifts

"I have not dated anyone since Roger and I broke up."

Self help acupuncture

'I don't believe it. Five minutes after he gets the darn thing, he has an arrest!'

"Chaplain, the lord should put warning labels on some of his creations."

Sigmund Freud.

"In my life, I've had seven cars, six jobs, five houses, four bypass operations, and three wives!"

"I know we've had our differences in the past but if you scratch behind my ears I'll show you where the catnip is kept."

Yoga classes door.

'...and now, Gentlemen, we come to our final lecture in advanced cardiology...'

Unguided imagery

Super-Tia makes Mal de Ojo undo its curse!

"Have you tried barking at the moon?"

"The good news is that your cardiac surgery was a complete success. The bad news is that we had to remove the song from your heart."

'The funny part is that the aerial was fine -- the TV set was just unplugged!'

New Age Store.

"Statins. I got statins. Who needs statins?"

"Honey, why don’t you tell Tony and Karen about your microdosing-healing-group thingy or whatever the heck it is?"

Hypocrisy about poverty

Your heart is doing well with the pig valve we put in. Now, what was your question?

Dog in hospital pushes bone-shaped IV,

"Maybe I needed a brain also! I left my heart in San Francisco!"

"When you're ready, I'm going to stand on my hind legs, and lick it better."

'During the heart-transplant, since it was your birthday, I went ahead and added two more inches, no charge.'

"His wife and family will decide on the course of treatment, but, as his ex, feel free to open up a few old wounds."

"Can you recommend a nice red wine that goes well with a broken heart?"

"I pick up on people's pain, Alexander. What's wrong?"

"While you were under, I had all your friends come in and sign your heart stent."

'What do you mean, you've had a change of heart?'

"Oh no! You, again?"

Anti-immigrant discourse

Safe driver.

Man to other coming out of Alternative Health Club: 'I had total joint replacement - they switched me from hemp to medical marijuana.'

Heart Health Levels

'Don't take it the wrong way, we could always be friends'

Broken Heart