Healer Pillows

"I thought you said you were dating a rich doctor!"

'Don't take this if you're also taking Foogoo rooy, Baaki bark or powdered beetle.'

"This is my son the non-traditional healer."

'He's the star of a new medical series.'

Shaman reads magazine entitled 'Witch Doctor'.

"I heard Gracie was sick! Take this egg. Rub it on her face. Break it. Put it in a glass under her bed. If it's hard in the morning, she's cured."

Self help acupuncture

Licensed Therapist

"Chaplain, the lord should put warning labels on some of his creations."

Sigmund Freud.

Unguided imagery

"I know we've had our differences in the past but if you scratch behind my ears I'll show you where the catnip is kept."

'Off hand I'd say she needs re-stuffing.'

Super-Tia makes Mal de Ojo undo its curse!

'The funny part is that the aerial was fine -- the TV set was just unplugged!'

New Age Store.

"You want a generic or a regular sugar pill?"

Proceed no further if chakras not aligned.

"Honey, why don’t you tell Tony and Karen about your microdosing-healing-group thingy or whatever the heck it is?"

Dog in hospital pushes bone-shaped IV,

Man with broken leg in cast.

"When you're ready, I'm going to stand on my hind legs, and lick it better."

'We can try to fit it with an artificial limb.'

Junior Doctor.

A man sews broken hearts back together.

"Preparing for another day nursing?"

Broken Heart

'Let me handle this. I'm an orthopedic specialist.'

Man to other coming out of Alternative Health Club: 'I had total joint replacement - they switched me from hemp to medical marijuana.'

'I'm giving you a referral to Bobby Smith down the street.'

"Aren't you getting a little carried away with this herbal medicine, Doctor?"

"We'll publish your book, doctor, but we'll have to get a second opinion."

The New Age Dentist.

'He touched you and you can walk again? I just got an illegible prescription.'

'Did you find someone to practice your first aid on, dear?'