Headsman Gifts

'Stupid lethal injections!'

Jack of all trades

"You haven't got dyslexia- the instructions are in polish."

'The plumber said he can't come right now, but promised to put us on his 'wading list'. Cute, huh?'

'These elves sure are helpful around the house.'

"I finally found a use for that old home repair book..."

'Good news. I found where the termites have been living.'

"In the whole length and breadth of this world there is no more admirable a spot for a man and his dog to pass the time than the local Home Depot."

Tool Box

Painting the Ceiling

"They're comfortable."

'I found the termites!'

'Can I invite my friends round to watch, Mom?'

A man sees a leak in his ceiling and drills a hole in the floor under leak to by pass his apartment.

"I thought you were making a coffee table?"

'They look more up to date than the ones in your tool-box.'

I did it my way.

'No! Forging a note from your parents does not count as creative writing!'

The Gardener's Calendar: Try to Repair It...

"Remember now, anything is DIY-abe if you just do it yourself."

Girl who can't cook meets guys who can't fix stuff.

'A cousin to the hammerhead, here we see the allusive, yet, handy, multi-use shark.'

"I sensed you needed my help. I’m Saint &@!#%&!!, the patron saint of cursing."

"Well, at least we know she died peacefully."

'I suppose you want Polly to forget she heard that.'

Hardware Store Tools Wrench

"Flat pack furniture is my passion. It's just a shame I haven't the space to assemble it."

Bryan Ferry

Fuel bill gone through the roof

'It all started when he tried to assemble a backyard gym without reading the instructions.'

"Of course I know how to use a chainsaw!"

"The bad news is that I backed into a fan. The good news is my owner's a plumber."

Yummy Mummies

"See this area right here, honey? This is why we need to find someone who knows what they're doing."

"Lovely dovetail."