Head-scratch Devotee Gifts

"Scratch my head, would you?"

"Wait! Don't start the chase now: I need to stretch first!:

"Sure, shopping online is faster and cheaper, but there's something almost sensuous about carrying an armload of packages!"

'I'm 60-40 in favor of the 60.'

'How come we never get invited to 'come as you are' parties?'

Cloud Cuckoo Land, "Earnest's invite had lied about there being a live band"

'Someday we'll look back on this and think, ‘Why the hell didn't we sue?' '

"They'd sold out of #1's."

"Ready...."

"Presenting a Few of New York Curiosities"

"Okay, well, welcome everyone, to our first annual shareholders' webcast."

'Yes, that's all - isn't 1500 calories enough?'

Gym. He claims he does that routine for an hour before starting his cardio workout. Do you believe him? It's a bit of a stretch!

'Stroke! ... Stroke! ... Stroke!'

'I'd like to ask the council's advice on how to get the congregation to sit closer to the front of the church.'

The Dog Botherer.

John Knox

"That's one 50-gallon drum of shampoo, one 50-gallon drum of conditioner, and one leaf-blower. Sign here."

"How much do you think I should I tip myself?"

"Please tell me you recently lowered the floor."

'Why didn't you wake me? You made me miss my coffee break!'

Dapper clown.

Someone admiring a bright shoe through binoculars.

"Anyone can hate, Mr. Brookings, but can your gare fill a book?"

Clowns working to repair clown car on roadside.

'The invitation says casual but of course you don't do casual do you.'

'He specializes in funny bones.'

What's the big deal about dress-down Fridays?

I can't solve this problem, I'm banging my head against a brick wall!

A dandy in 1819

"I can't stand her 'Yogier than thou' attitude."

"It sure feels good to get the gang together."