Hazmat Humorist Pillows

'Next time, we should clean up the microwave before it comes to this.'

"You know, Burkhart, if you're so damn afraid of the flu maybe you should just stay home."

Baby nappies are a toxic waste.

Irradiated pizza

Radioactive Pizza

"Oh really, Gerald! You're removing honey from the hives, not plutonium!"

"Whew, that was rank. I didn't want that baby trapped in this suit. I might have died!"

Mouse in a hamster wheel.

Large print e-book.

'Remember, before entering, make sure you wipe your feet on the hazmat.'

"On your left."

'You say you're having trouble seeing into the future'

"I've got the ninth grade chemistry class this term."

'He intentionally entangles his face mask in my hand!'

"Hallelujah!"

"Your problem isn't the prescription."

Entrance code to MENSA club - 'To enter, simply type in the square root of Pi.'

'My boss collects stupid hats, Is yours for sale?'

"I'm here because my vision is getting so bad I can't even see clearly in my dreams at night!"

'Your mom too? Always saying, 'You never do anything constructive.''

'Guess who I bumped into today? EVERYBODY!'

Golf war: 'Fore!'

'Unknown fact: Cows aren't grazing...they're searching for their contact lenses.'

'Man, when was the last time you had your eyes tested?'

They didn't tell me what to do with it. I thought they told you what to do with it.

'Very good, but not quite 'presidential vision'.'

'It's a gadget for buying gadgets over the net.'

"Lucky you were wearing your hard-hat!"

'Unknown fact: Cows aren't grazing...they're searching for their contact lenses.'

Man disposes of baby's nappy in a toxin waste bin.

"The government wants us to wear these bonus hazard suits."

"I think an IQ test would be more appropriate at this time."

'So much for his new glasses...he didn't see that coming'

'You really do need new glasses!'

Smartphone reads eye chart