Hamster Humorist Pillows

'Imprisoned for life? Are you sure?'

'I think the new exercise ball we got the hamster is too big...'

'The hamsters are just worn out.'

'Dogs are so silly: Just throw a ball or a stick and they'll chase it and bring it back!'

'So where do you think pineapple juice comes from?'

"Well, here's the problem. You been takin' the hair ball pills and givin' the Viagra to the cats."

"Wow, these slippers are really warm!"

Emergency Hipster Beard

'Jurassic Pork.'

'...Excuse me...Whoops, my fault!..Sorry!..You first...Pardon Me...Sorry...S'cuse me...Look out!...Pardon'

'Of course I'm being catty. How else do you expect me to act?'

"Scuba cow"

No Soliciting

Mouse in a hamster wheel.

"Yes, one is a dog."

Hats and Food

Beware of the Dog Hair.

'While you're 'fixing' my private parts, could you give me a loaner pair?'

"Yes, it's a safe: I was fed up with my winter provisions being raided by freeloaders!"

'I got an F today - for improper interfacing with my computer.'

"Yep. Looks like we have ringworm."

"Grass-cream! Thanks Mum!"

'Well, I guess we're the control group.'

No jay walking.

"That product you are using is fantastic. Your eye bags are gone."

"Toadstool you say? No, this is snailstool now!"

Northeastern Deer/Southwestern Deer

"Did you know he'd joined a squirrel watchers club?"

"You might want to start bringing more carrots home, dear. I think I have an ingrown hare."

Ed's receding hairline!

'Settle an argument. Which is better incessant barking or meowing?'

"Hey! There's a hair in my soup!"

"All you're doing is emboldening cats."