Hawk Trainer Gifts

"One large with pepperoni and mushrooms."

'Personally, I don't like to play Fetch, but it makes him happy.'

"No no, I said sit!!"

"Why won't you teach us how to handle complaints?"

"You do realize you can't take that one home."

Life with a professional baseball catcher.

"Quick, start the car!"

I'm going to practice on you before I start managing other people.

"Yeah, he's cute but don't approach him. He's a service human."

"Any questions?"

"Why do dogs wag their tails? Because it always brings results."

'Now THAT'S a presentation! Great delivery, great graphics, and he moonwalks from the room.'

"Cross-breeding oops #1." "The Cougadooodle"

"I'm not sure about this new trainee - he asked me when does he get to see the actual ropes."

"What I'd give for a stimulating conversation..."

'Every night it's the same - always my turn to put the Bally Cat out!'

How to deliver a successful presentation.

"Any questions?"

'One of the new targets is targeting which targets we're meant to target.'

'That's not speaking, that's barking Try again'

'He's not supposed to go out.'

Litter Tray Training

"Good news...I found a doctor who says you can still play!"

"The anger management consultant said he wasn't going to alter his **** dates at this t****stage which fits in with the 'managing change' consultant who said it was to late to change her plans..."

"I believe I can create a great presentation if I can only tap into my cognitive dissonance."

Hanging off every word...

Funky Facts: Monkeys.

"I don't actually talk, I just mimic sounds."

'Listen Sonny, I don't want or NEED to get to the other side!'

Quality Control

"The GOOD news is that 94 people want to attend the leadership training, the bad news is that 64 of them want to change the venue, 56 the time and 45 want to be course leader."

A mime and his pet parrot talk to one another.