Haunting Adventurer Pillows

"If only you knew. . ."

"That's the guy I hired to read Proust for me."

'Whe they said 'God is my Judge', I didn't realize He was a real attorney.'

"Just one more question before I let you in...I can let you in...are you a cat or dog person?"

'Before you can enter, you need to punch in the verification code so we can be certain that you're a real soul,'

"Needs to get a life"

Hang on...I've got WINGS..!!!

"If you get to the pitchfork-shaped cloud, you've gone too far."

A surprise in heaven

"I do tech support for the cloud."

'What he said about judgement day is scary. Maybe we should find a good lawyer.'

"Where’s your sense of Gothic romance?"

'I have a feeling we are not in Kansas anymore.'

"Is this what I want to be doing with my death?"

'This is way better than a litter box.'

"Finally, Miss Big-Shot calls her dead mother!"

I used to love coming here. Nudist beach.

Halo Frisbee.

Saint Peter will sometimes put on a disguise just to play a prank on the new arrivals.

'You sloth and gluttony guys have it easy -- I'm here for envy!'

"Your long-range investments would have made you a very wealthy man."

"I told you to pack a damned sweater."

"I don't care if it's a boy or a girl, as long as it's undead."

Free ticket to heaven... details inside

"That's Bob. He's a bit of a wing nut."

"Well, I've come this close to asking out Sylvia Sanchez. But I'm just an average guy! Nothing about me says 'I'm cool! Look at me!'"

"Even if I did believe that he was communicating through you. I'm afraid it's too late to change the will now."

'...And the mama bear's porridge was frozen solid....'

2pm meet your Creator

"I had that dream again where you're writing down all my fears and anxieties and working them into a screenplay."

Exit. I never get tired of watching them fall for that.

3 Pointless Things To Do At Christmas: Add a little festivity to your favourite fast food/Look up an old friend/Murder the Scotch.

Norman Wisdom at the Pearly Gates

'You made a complete fool of yourself at the party last night...I just hope no one knows you were sober.'

Neurotics in the tropics